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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Meal ticketdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CrypticBard
    Elite Ratio:    3.55 - 368/381/224
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 802
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 731



    Description:
       Sometimes the pub is a jolly good idea after a long & harrowing day.... Or so some say...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMeal ticketdots
    -------------------------------------------


    .




    The door shuts behind ,
    key turns, footsteps
    stravege after
    a tedious shift;

    eyes lift up
    then revert back
    to telly, magazine,
    PS3 and tablet.

    The dining table
    is empty yet cluttered
    inhabited by non-edible
    non-essential stuff.

    "There should be
    something or other
    in the fridge,"
    a mouth points.

    "Got that, thanks."
    Footsteps stravege back,
    that's what it feels like
    to be a meal-ticket.

    The door slams shut.




    .




    Submitted on 2013-05-09 17:08:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      You're in need of a hot, home-cooked meal, eh?

    I can't relate really, but the scene draws me in. It's so sad. I wonder if that's how my husband feels from time to time.

    Like the others, I must agree with the exceptionally brilliant way you used such mundane words and strung them together so well. Poetry gets too flowery and angsty. Just between you and I, sometimes I feel like I'm reading a list of screen names from 13 year olds. Dragon this and bloody that.

    I don't think it's a format that'd be appropriate all te time though, but here. Here it was good. It was honest.

    --Carrie
    | Posted on 2013-06-07 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked how you used very generic words to create a completely relatable scene. Usually I don't like words like "stuff," but in this one it portrayed a sense of boredom, almost being stuck in a rut. Feeling unappreciated and a bit lost in general. Very relatable. Thanks for sharing! :)
    | Posted on 2013-05-15 00:00:00 | by TheSnoitart | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm always intrigued when I have to look up a word, and "stravage" was no exception. It seems to stick out among the mundane or the grind. The visuals are concise yet, I feel like I've been there, in that room, perhaps even in those shoes.
    | Posted on 2013-05-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


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