Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Meal ticketdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: CrypticBard
    Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 368/381/226
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Broken
    Total Views: 903
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 731



    Description:
       Sometimes the pub is a jolly good idea after a long & harrowing day.... Or so some say...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMeal ticketdots
    -------------------------------------------


    .




    The door shuts behind ,
    key turns, footsteps
    stravege after
    a tedious shift;

    eyes lift up
    then revert back
    to telly, magazine,
    PS3 and tablet.

    The dining table
    is empty yet cluttered
    inhabited by non-edible
    non-essential stuff.

    "There should be
    something or other
    in the fridge,"
    a mouth points.

    "Got that, thanks."
    Footsteps stravege back,
    that's what it feels like
    to be a meal-ticket.

    The door slams shut.




    .




    Submitted on 2013-05-09 17:08:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      You're in need of a hot, home-cooked meal, eh?

    I can't relate really, but the scene draws me in. It's so sad. I wonder if that's how my husband feels from time to time.

    Like the others, I must agree with the exceptionally brilliant way you used such mundane words and strung them together so well. Poetry gets too flowery and angsty. Just between you and I, sometimes I feel like I'm reading a list of screen names from 13 year olds. Dragon this and bloody that.

    I don't think it's a format that'd be appropriate all te time though, but here. Here it was good. It was honest.

    --Carrie
    | Posted on 2013-06-07 00:00:00 | by Carosuel | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked how you used very generic words to create a completely relatable scene. Usually I don't like words like "stuff," but in this one it portrayed a sense of boredom, almost being stuck in a rut. Feeling unappreciated and a bit lost in general. Very relatable. Thanks for sharing! :)
    | Posted on 2013-05-15 00:00:00 | by TheSnoitart | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm always intrigued when I have to look up a word, and "stravage" was no exception. It seems to stick out among the mundane or the grind. The visuals are concise yet, I feel like I've been there, in that room, perhaps even in those shoes.
    | Posted on 2013-05-10 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197375

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Wavelength written by saartha
    The Promise written by annie0888
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    untitled written by Chelebel
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry