Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
    • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
    • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shamblesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Erreur
    ASL Info:    20 / M / Canada
    Elite Ratio:    7.32 - 19/25/14
    Words: 256
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 902
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1623



    Description:
       So its the time of year people are getting accepted to med school. I'm just... slightly freaking out at the thoughts of myself next year. I don't think I can handle it.

    Anyways I decided to just do a sort of train of thought. So I just started writing whatever came to mind.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShamblesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shitty Poem, written quick
    
Looking for some real great trick
    

    
To let me escape this stress
    
I think I need a recess
    

    
But from what? I ask this now
    
Here, as I furrow my brow  
    

    
The pressure that haunts me still?
    
Let it go, look for a thrill.
    

    
I don’t do that, can’t do that
    
Man I’m just being a brat…
    

    
Expectations are too great 
    
I could’ve been some inmate
    

    
But no! Doctor was my dream
    
Dreams I stole form other’s schemes
    

    
Fooled by my pride, to believe  
    
it’d be easy to achieve
    

    
---
    

    
Oh gawd what have I done here
    
Have nowhere to turn but beer 
    

    
Family watching every move
    
So now I’m forced to behoove 
    

    
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
    
Curse my life, the way I’m stuck 
    

    
Trapped in these expectations
    
Too weak for declarations
    

    
Can’t escape the mental web 
    
Hopeful time will make it ebb 
    

    
However, that seems quite wrong
    
My torture seems to prolong 
    

    
Everyday a gentle warning
    
That my life has no meaning 
    

    
Cause the thing I want to do 
    
Has bid me a soft adieu 
    

    
---
    

    
And it’s all my fault, you know
    
If I made no mistakes , doh
    

    
I’d be fine. Who needed friends? 
    
Cause just look at these dead ends
    

    
It’s not like I’m happy now.




    Submitted on 2013-05-15 11:22:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      OK I agree with Dustin. Please fix the formatting...For me it got a little confusing with the large spaces and it became hard to read. Other than that I thought it was just fine.
    | Posted on 2013-11-01 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
      First off fix the formatting, the increased spaces and incorrect characters were obnoxious and made me almost stop reading. The rhyme scheme is solid, nothing special. You could try to expand on each subject with in the piece a little more. Build that tension through the piece not as the piece. It isn't a horrific piece by any standards but I believe you can do a little better. This isn't a piece I'd revisit and rewrite, perhaps learn from it and develop more.


    -Dustin
    | Posted on 2013-08-02 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      From a student's heart, yeah!
    | Posted on 2013-06-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197395

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry