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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shamblesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Erreur
    ASL Info:    20 / M / Canada
    Elite Ratio:    7.32 - 19/25/14
    Words: 256
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 569
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1623



    Description:
       So its the time of year people are getting accepted to med school. I'm just... slightly freaking out at the thoughts of myself next year. I don't think I can handle it.

    Anyways I decided to just do a sort of train of thought. So I just started writing whatever came to mind.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShamblesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Shitty Poem, written quick
    Looking for some real great trick

    To let me escape this stress
    I think I need a recess

    But from what? I ask this now
    Here, as I furrow my brow

    The pressure that haunts me still?
    Let it go, look for a thrill.

    I donít do that, canít do that
    Man Iím just being a bratÖ

    Expectations are too great
    I couldíve been some inmate

    But no! Doctor was my dream
    Dreams I stole form otherís schemes

    Fooled by my pride, to believe
    itíd be easy to achieve

    ---

    Oh gawd what have I done here
    Have nowhere to turn but beer

    Family watching every move
    So now Iím forced to behoove

    FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
    Curse my life, the way Iím stuck

    Trapped in these expectations
    Too weak for declarations

    Canít escape the mental web
    Hopeful time will make it ebb

    However, that seems quite wrong
    My torture seems to prolong

    Everyday a gentle warning
    That my life has no meaning

    Cause the thing I want to do
    Has bid me a soft adieu

    ---

    And itís all my fault, you know
    If I made no mistakes , doh

    Iíd be fine. Who needed friends?
    Cause just look at these dead ends

    Itís not like Iím happy now.




    Submitted on 2013-05-15 11:22:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      OK I agree with Dustin. Please fix the formatting...For me it got a little confusing with the large spaces and it became hard to read. Other than that I thought it was just fine.
    | Posted on 2013-11-01 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
      First off fix the formatting, the increased spaces and incorrect characters were obnoxious and made me almost stop reading. The rhyme scheme is solid, nothing special. You could try to expand on each subject with in the piece a little more. Build that tension through the piece not as the piece. It isn't a horrific piece by any standards but I believe you can do a little better. This isn't a piece I'd revisit and rewrite, perhaps learn from it and develop more.


    -Dustin
    | Posted on 2013-08-02 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      From a student's heart, yeah!
    | Posted on 2013-06-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


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