[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Shamblesdots

    Author: Erreur
    ASL Info:    20 / M / Canada
    Elite Ratio:    7.32 - 19/25/14
    Words: 256
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1623

       So its the time of year people are getting accepted to med school. I'm just... slightly freaking out at the thoughts of myself next year. I don't think I can handle it.

    Anyways I decided to just do a sort of train of thought. So I just started writing whatever came to mind.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Shitty Poem, written quick
    Looking for some real great trick

    To let me escape this stress
    I think I need a recess

    But from what? I ask this now
    Here, as I furrow my brow

    The pressure that haunts me still?
    Let it go, look for a thrill.

    I donít do that, canít do that
    Man Iím just being a bratÖ

    Expectations are too great
    I couldíve been some inmate

    But no! Doctor was my dream
    Dreams I stole form otherís schemes

    Fooled by my pride, to believe
    itíd be easy to achieve


    Oh gawd what have I done here
    Have nowhere to turn but beer

    Family watching every move
    So now Iím forced to behoove

    Curse my life, the way Iím stuck

    Trapped in these expectations
    Too weak for declarations

    Canít escape the mental web
    Hopeful time will make it ebb

    However, that seems quite wrong
    My torture seems to prolong

    Everyday a gentle warning
    That my life has no meaning

    Cause the thing I want to do
    Has bid me a soft adieu


    And itís all my fault, you know
    If I made no mistakes , doh

    Iíd be fine. Who needed friends?
    Cause just look at these dead ends

    Itís not like Iím happy now.

    Submitted on 2013-05-15 11:22:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      OK I agree with Dustin. Please fix the formatting...For me it got a little confusing with the large spaces and it became hard to read. Other than that I thought it was just fine.
    | Posted on 2013-11-01 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
      First off fix the formatting, the increased spaces and incorrect characters were obnoxious and made me almost stop reading. The rhyme scheme is solid, nothing special. You could try to expand on each subject with in the piece a little more. Build that tension through the piece not as the piece. It isn't a horrific piece by any standards but I believe you can do a little better. This isn't a piece I'd revisit and rewrite, perhaps learn from it and develop more.

    | Posted on 2013-08-02 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      From a student's heart, yeah!
    | Posted on 2013-06-07 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Linger written by saartha
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Fasade written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Giving written by jjd
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]