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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: anatomydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KotaNashi
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 29/36/18
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1269
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 650



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsanatomydots
    -------------------------------------------


    i can taste your cancer
    it stings like listerine
    i wish i could get on my knees
    and scrub your insides clean

    stroking your knuckles like piano keys
    and yeah, i got a light
    i'll let you bite and scratch your tongue
    until you feel all right

    i don't mind feeding your fever
    or feasting on what makes you ill
    i wouldnt mind bending over
    just to get your quaking to still

    your festering eyes bore into mine
    what's inside look like without oxygen?
    dissolving heaven in a straight line
    until it becomes your skin.




    Submitted on 2013-05-24 00:41:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In accordance to reading most of your work, I believe this is one of the stronger, if not the strongest piece you've wrote. The powerful imagery from the start begins to pain an almost redeeming quality in a person. As if 'I know you're ill and I want to cleanse you of your ailment but then it twists-

    It turns into murder, depravation with a vexing and menacing overtone. It seems to be someone who has captured, kidnapped someone much weaker, whether or not it's a child is something else- The helplessness of the second stanza just drags the reader into this spiral which ends with the extinguishing of the captive life in what feels like a suffocating manner. I'd just toy with capitalization and some punctuation embellishment.

    Excellent write.

    -Dustin
    | Posted on 2013-08-08 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow ! Intense ! Such images ! I could basicly see before my eyes a small girl devouring a rotting corpse - or even better bitting off a worm infested wound from a living person's abdomen. Intense ! O,O I say it again. Very good image construction.
    Yet in some parts the poem is a bit scattered - your rhyme and rhythm also suffers here and there.
    But this is defenetly one poem I enjoyed, as if it was made for my sole enjoyement.
    | Posted on 2013-06-17 00:00:00 | by Akiko Hime | [ Reply to This ]


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