Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: anatomydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KotaNashi
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 29/36/18
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1604
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 650



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsanatomydots
    -------------------------------------------


    i can taste your cancer
    it stings like listerine
    i wish i could get on my knees
    and scrub your insides clean

    stroking your knuckles like piano keys
    and yeah, i got a light
    i'll let you bite and scratch your tongue
    until you feel all right

    i don't mind feeding your fever
    or feasting on what makes you ill
    i wouldnt mind bending over
    just to get your quaking to still

    your festering eyes bore into mine
    what's inside look like without oxygen?
    dissolving heaven in a straight line
    until it becomes your skin.




    Submitted on 2013-05-24 00:41:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      In accordance to reading most of your work, I believe this is one of the stronger, if not the strongest piece you've wrote. The powerful imagery from the start begins to pain an almost redeeming quality in a person. As if 'I know you're ill and I want to cleanse you of your ailment but then it twists-

    It turns into murder, depravation with a vexing and menacing overtone. It seems to be someone who has captured, kidnapped someone much weaker, whether or not it's a child is something else- The helplessness of the second stanza just drags the reader into this spiral which ends with the extinguishing of the captive life in what feels like a suffocating manner. I'd just toy with capitalization and some punctuation embellishment.

    Excellent write.

    -Dustin
    | Posted on 2013-08-08 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow ! Intense ! Such images ! I could basicly see before my eyes a small girl devouring a rotting corpse - or even better bitting off a worm infested wound from a living person's abdomen. Intense ! O,O I say it again. Very good image construction.
    Yet in some parts the poem is a bit scattered - your rhyme and rhythm also suffers here and there.
    But this is defenetly one poem I enjoyed, as if it was made for my sole enjoyement.
    | Posted on 2013-06-17 00:00:00 | by Akiko Hime | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197429

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Born of the Mouth written by MyPeriodical
    Faith In Line written by MyPeriodical
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry