Description: I was playing a song today on my guitar, and I got a vision of an adventure. The song is sort of laid back. I changed it a bit to fit the song. Tell me what you think. Tell me what I should fix. Song writing's something I've picked up lately, so any criticism is good. Its a light rock adventure tale/song.
I Roam -------------------------------------------
:Verse 1:
I took a trip
And I got lost
Never left my companions
But their lives it cost
We found gold
We found jewels
Beauty beyond all imagintation
But we were all fools
:Chorus:
One day I'll find, My way home
But for now I'm left, all alone
One day I'll find, my way home
But for now I guess baby, I'll just roam...
:Verse 2:
We found the gold
We shared it all
We came to a cliff
And I left her fall
He led me up a creek
And then he fell down
At last she could have been my loyal queen
But she could not wear the crown
:Bridge:
The jewels of the jungle
The gold of the snake
The rules of the curs I am under
I cannot shake
It's just me and my guitar
And all this gold
We found the world this day and its
ALL MY OWN!!
(solo)
:Verse 3:
I took a trip
I got lost
Never left my companions
Their own lives they cost
One day I'll find
My way home
And right I'm left
All alone
One day I'll find
My way home
But for now I guess baby,
I tried to sing it with different rock and metal rythms but everytime it seemed that as light as it was ment it didnt got.. should i say balls. It almost fitted with progressive rock riffs as i tested it, but keep in mind that a rock song needs some highlights and some lower sections. But the lyrics were good, maybe it will work in another genre than rock. Keep it going, that sounded nice even if i could not get it into rock.
I think it's good except for the second stanza (i guess it's called that in songs too? i dunno) after verse 2 where it starts off 'he led me up a creek'... I just don't think that needs to be in it. Maybe try to fix up those few lines a bit. But I wish I could hear you playing guitar and singing this song, it would have a totally different appeal that way. Keep writing
Mate, didn't you miss a chorus, after the bridge? And that's a LONG bridge alright...two stanzas of four verses, that's already a middle eight...if you also put a solo afterwards, half of your tune is gonna be a middle eight, which is quite abnormal for rock and/or pop or even metal. On the writing itself, I'll say that at some places it's too...classically...turned to fit a rock tune: "But their lives it did cost", for instance. It just doesn't fit a rock tune. Anyways, keep it up mate.
Submission Name: I Roam
