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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Roamdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Dalelord
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 22/23/8
    Words: 221
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 1607
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1393



    Description:
       I was playing a song today on my guitar, and I got a vision of an adventure. The song is sort of laid back. I changed it a bit to fit the song. Tell me what you think. Tell me what I should fix. Song writing's something I've picked up lately, so any criticism is good. Its a light rock adventure tale/song.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Roamdots
    -------------------------------------------


    :Verse 1:
    I took a trip
    And I got lost
    Never left my companions
    But their lives it cost

    We found gold
    We found jewels
    Beauty beyond all imagintation
    But we were all fools

    :Chorus:
    One day I'll find, My way home
    But for now I'm left, all alone
    One day I'll find, my way home
    But for now I guess baby, I'll just roam...

    :Verse 2:
    We found the gold
    We shared it all
    We came to a cliff
    And I left her fall

    He led me up a creek
    And then he fell down
    At last she could have been my loyal queen
    But she could not wear the crown

    :Bridge:
    The jewels of the jungle
    The gold of the snake
    The rules of the curs I am under
    I cannot shake

    It's just me and my guitar
    And all this gold
    We found the world this day and its
    ALL MY OWN!!

    (solo)

    :Verse 3:
    I took a trip
    I got lost
    Never left my companions
    Their own lives they cost

    One day I'll find
    My way home
    And right I'm left
    All alone
    One day I'll find
    My way home
    But for now I guess baby,

    I'll just roam....




    Submitted on 2004-08-03 23:40:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I tried to sing it with different rock and metal rythms but everytime it seemed that as light as it was ment it didnt got.. should i say balls. It almost fitted with progressive rock riffs as i tested it, but keep in mind that a rock song needs some highlights and some lower sections. But the lyrics were good, maybe it will work in another genre than rock. Keep it going, that sounded nice even if i could not get it into rock.
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by Rainmaker | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it's good except for the second stanza (i guess it's called that in songs too? i dunno) after verse 2 where it starts off 'he led me up a creek'... I just don't think that needs to be in it. Maybe try to fix up those few lines a bit. But I wish I could hear you playing guitar and singing this song, it would have a totally different appeal that way. Keep writing
    | Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by WaxingPoetic | [ Reply to This ]
      Mate, didn't you miss a chorus, after the bridge? And that's a LONG bridge alright...two stanzas of four verses, that's already a middle eight...if you also put a solo afterwards, half of your tune is gonna be a middle eight, which is quite abnormal for rock and/or pop or even metal.
    On the writing itself, I'll say that at some places it's too...classically...turned to fit a rock tune: "But their lives it did cost", for instance. It just doesn't fit a rock tune.
    Anyways, keep it up mate.
    | Posted on 2004-08-03 00:00:00 | by the apocrypha | [ Reply to This ]
      I ahve herd the song and It is just great. Hay when you don't get too much comments its agood thing around these parts no on has any compaints
    | Posted on 2004-08-25 00:00:00 | by slybee22 | [ Reply to This ]


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