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When the sky divides, lets loose its' life,
When the thunder cracks, I reciprocate a grin.
The whole of me rests at the edge of a knife,
Split down the center, still both sides sin.
Thoughts birthed in the womb behind my eyes,
I could not stop them if desired, and don't.
Conversations heard, sorting truths from lies,
I could speak, put forth a word, but wont.
Passions held, everything burns white,
Love waltzes with lust, a graceful couple.
The beauty and the warmth of a summers' night,
A gust bends a sapling, lazy and supple.
Once a storm, the oceans rough, white with foam,
The waters have calmed, the sun has risen.
This melancholic ghost has found a home,
I held a deaf ear to life, now... I listen.
| You’ve done a wonderful job with this poem. You employ some fantastic imagery, which let my mind’s eye wander in enjoyment. When I read your poem, my imagination jumps into the most literal understanding of every phase, and I find my self blinking through them at a breakneck pace as I’ve given a quick tour of what should just be your mind, but instead is a fresh take on the world. In the most pleasant way possible, I feel like I’m reading an infographic. |
Looking at the words more seriously, I was curious to discover how you would describe yourself. What emotions, thoughts, and secrets combined to create the “truth about CNPerry”. From what I understand you are perpetually torn; though never good. You love and lust; You are introverted; You are easily swayed; And you’ve recently found some sort of inner peace. Which I guess means, you may not be perpetually torn anymore, or just don’t mind the little bit of chaos from being torn. Did I read the peace well? And do you think I might have just horoscoped some answers that are true for almost everyone?
This poem made me wonder about the stylistic differences in our modern age with those used in the past. The past felt a little more crafted, but this is freer. I’m Curious, did you find yourself spending a lot of time grasping for the perfect words? Or was this a piece born from your subconscious, which you barely paid attention to, but still managed to present some sort of flabbergasting insight?
All in all, despite the fact that I did enjoy the poem, I do wish that you used a more steady meter. I couldn’t appreciate your rhyming scheme. I almost wish you dropped the rhyming pattern, and instead made this a free verse poem. When I did notice the rhymes they sort of mired the experience as the only obvious flaw in the work.
|| Posted on 2013-06-16 00:00:00 | by Erreur | [ Reply to This ] |