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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: From The Ashesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DearlyDeparted
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 211/290/189
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 531
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 456



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFrom The Ashesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I am reborn..
    The Phoenix resurrected from its own ashes.
    I burned it all down just to be able to rebuild.
    This new foundation is indestructible.
    For I've built it with my own hands.
    Strong, secure, stable...
    Impenetrable walls warding off evil.
    Guards at every corner with cannons ready.
    Though it may seem like a prison.
    I can breath like I've never taken a breathe before.




    Submitted on 2013-07-01 04:53:01     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      seriously bruce, stop commenting no one has any idea of what you are saying, and it looks like a bunch of adjectives thrown together. The piece itself wasn't bad but it seemed slow almost, I do like your metaphor of how you put up a strong defense (emotionally or physically) heres one suggestion,

    I am reborn..
    The Phoenix resurrected from its own ashes.


    Could be:

    I am reborn like the Phoenix
    Resurrected from its own ashes

    Dont worry about periods at the end of your lines unless that was a specific intention it will free the reader to read it more fluently instead of instinctively pausing. Good write, - Bill
    | Posted on 2013-07-10 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      Mirador bartizan panorama tableaus, and fabulist facade fantasias. Excellent stuff except I think somehow you must look beyond the battlements, consider the realism of your conception as a possession not a sin to be avoided. You can contain it armed acute and not be obtusely overt.......... Ha ha ha ......... fat chance like get down!!!

    Bruce
    | Posted on 2013-07-01 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


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