Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Souless Sun ( Not Finished? )dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.1 - 75/182/209
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 766
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 904



    Description:
       Just a piece I worked up, haven't been writing for a while and I wanted to build towards it once again. Thoughts or discussion appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSouless Sun ( Not Finished? )dots
    -------------------------------------------



    Gilded in burlesque light with the guile of a grotesque mind.
    Flaying back the sacred flesh of memory.
    Corrupting; foundation shaking-
    Erupting; conflagrating-
    Scorch away the shores of hope to a barren waste.
    Falling away from that celestial light, escaping what was known of paradise.

    Not a single smile-
    Not a frown upon their melancholic heads-
    Falling away from that celestial light, escaping what was known of paradise.

    The ghost of what makes us man was lost in the shifting sands-
    A hopeless little melody played against the roar of its burning symphony.
    Descending into the darkness of eviction from the promise land.
    Falling away from that celestial light, escaping what was known of paradise.

    Somewhere in a future sight we might see another sundown in paradise-




    Submitted on 2013-07-03 21:05:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the solid declaration of having fallen and appreciate the hope the final line gives. I might have said "sun rise" instead of down since that conveys a new day to look forward to.
    | Posted on 2013-07-08 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197578

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry