I feel we've all been where the piece takes us, at least as a man. The subliminal violence paints that tension yet the simplistic flow and quip like phrasing warm the piece up to a more bravery stand point which directionally and emotionally fits better. I wouldn't change anything with this piece but the length, I feel you could build a bit more onto it, just some more clever phrasing and maybe a climax of sort to the entire piece itself.