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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: stubborndots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KotaNashi
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 29/36/18
    Words: 28
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 761
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 218



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsstubborndots
    -------------------------------------------


    told me once
    told me twice

    just didn't listen
    wanted to fight

    kept on swinging
    couldn't play nice

    wouldn't give up
    had to be right




    Submitted on 2013-07-06 21:46:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
       Reminds me of a lot of people I know--including myself at times. Sparse simple diction, tap-hammer rhythm,--abrupt, brusque,--succinct. I liked it
    S
    | Posted on 2014-03-22 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel we've all been where the piece takes us, at least as a man. The subliminal violence paints that tension yet the simplistic flow and quip like phrasing warm the piece up to a more bravery stand point which directionally and emotionally fits better. I wouldn't change anything with this piece but the length, I feel you could build a bit more onto it, just some more clever phrasing and maybe a climax of sort to the entire piece itself.

    -Thanks for the write.

    -Dustin
    | Posted on 2013-08-08 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the rhythm. The punches of images this evokes. I saw flashes of conflict in this. It's minimal and done quite exquisitely. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2013-07-09 00:00:00 | by CNPerry | [ Reply to This ]
       BTDT ;)
    | Posted on 2013-07-09 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      ...lived as a wit
    with a steely whim

    deflecting, protecting
    the sorrows within

    Just my thoughts on your thoughts. Nice use of minimalist directness, by the way.
    | Posted on 2013-07-08 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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