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    dots Submission Name: stubborndots

    Author: KotaNashi
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 29/36/18
    Words: 28
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 742
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 218


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    told me once
    told me twice

    just didn't listen
    wanted to fight

    kept on swinging
    couldn't play nice

    wouldn't give up
    had to be right

    Submitted on 2013-07-06 21:46:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
       Reminds me of a lot of people I know--including myself at times. Sparse simple diction, tap-hammer rhythm,--abrupt, brusque,--succinct. I liked it
    | Posted on 2014-03-22 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel we've all been where the piece takes us, at least as a man. The subliminal violence paints that tension yet the simplistic flow and quip like phrasing warm the piece up to a more bravery stand point which directionally and emotionally fits better. I wouldn't change anything with this piece but the length, I feel you could build a bit more onto it, just some more clever phrasing and maybe a climax of sort to the entire piece itself.

    -Thanks for the write.

    | Posted on 2013-08-08 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the rhythm. The punches of images this evokes. I saw flashes of conflict in this. It's minimal and done quite exquisitely. Nice work.
    | Posted on 2013-07-09 00:00:00 | by CNPerry | [ Reply to This ]
       BTDT ;)
    | Posted on 2013-07-09 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      ...lived as a wit
    with a steely whim

    deflecting, protecting
    the sorrows within

    Just my thoughts on your thoughts. Nice use of minimalist directness, by the way.
    | Posted on 2013-07-08 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]

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