Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sunset Revelationsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DearlyDeparted
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 211/290/189
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 829
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 761



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunset Revelationsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    For the first time in a while,
    I watched the sunset.
    It's kaleidoscope of colors left me in awe.
    Such simplistic beauty is a rare find.
    Yet everyday this event occurs.
    And I've allowed my mind to forget such minuscule pleasures.
    Though a current change has reopened my eyes.
    After years of being trapped..
    An Astists wings clipped and unable to fly.
    My feathers have grown and I'm ready to soar.
    Head long into that chaotic swirl of blues, pinks, and indigo.
    To reclaim my place in the scene of true life.
    No longer strangled by the conservative restraints slung around my neck.
    I am free to roam.
    Free to find that heart that feels just like home.




    Submitted on 2013-07-07 21:03:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Well first off bruce is right might want to fix the artists part, the piece was good but I feel you might want to change some adjectives or leave it out, i "simplistic" you could just say beauty and it would help the tone of your piece, also when you say sunset, maybe rewrite it to sun set (I watched the sun set. It was beautiful, etc etc)
    Hopefully you dont take that the wrong way i just personally think it would go over better

    last off, "My feathers have grown and I'm ready to soar.
    Head long into that chaotic swirl of blues, pinks, and indigo."

    you could make it flow better by removing the . after soar, formatting is quite tricky but dont be afraid to experiment because there is no right or wrong in poetry.


    You expressed what you meant to say though, and I liked the piece overall. Good Job
    | Posted on 2013-07-10 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful concept. Life's most valuable pleasures are free and around us and we ignore them. The change in you is revolutionary as it is going to transform your life and you will be able to cherish the wonders of this life.
    | Posted on 2013-07-09 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes indeed, if you're not free to feel at home with yourself you may never find that feeling anywhere. Feel free to enjoy natures incredible inspirations and consider the reflections they appear of self awareness after all of such were we created.

    Bruce

    PS: In line nine I think it's "artists", you should edit.
    | Posted on 2013-07-08 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197596

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry