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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sunset Revelationsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DearlyDeparted
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 211/290/189
    Words: 118
    Class/Type: Poetry/Happy
    Total Views: 828
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 761



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunset Revelationsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    For the first time in a while,
    I watched the sunset.
    It's kaleidoscope of colors left me in awe.
    Such simplistic beauty is a rare find.
    Yet everyday this event occurs.
    And I've allowed my mind to forget such minuscule pleasures.
    Though a current change has reopened my eyes.
    After years of being trapped..
    An Astists wings clipped and unable to fly.
    My feathers have grown and I'm ready to soar.
    Head long into that chaotic swirl of blues, pinks, and indigo.
    To reclaim my place in the scene of true life.
    No longer strangled by the conservative restraints slung around my neck.
    I am free to roam.
    Free to find that heart that feels just like home.




    Submitted on 2013-07-07 21:03:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well first off bruce is right might want to fix the artists part, the piece was good but I feel you might want to change some adjectives or leave it out, i "simplistic" you could just say beauty and it would help the tone of your piece, also when you say sunset, maybe rewrite it to sun set (I watched the sun set. It was beautiful, etc etc)
    Hopefully you dont take that the wrong way i just personally think it would go over better

    last off, "My feathers have grown and I'm ready to soar.
    Head long into that chaotic swirl of blues, pinks, and indigo."

    you could make it flow better by removing the . after soar, formatting is quite tricky but dont be afraid to experiment because there is no right or wrong in poetry.


    You expressed what you meant to say though, and I liked the piece overall. Good Job
    | Posted on 2013-07-10 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful concept. Life's most valuable pleasures are free and around us and we ignore them. The change in you is revolutionary as it is going to transform your life and you will be able to cherish the wonders of this life.
    | Posted on 2013-07-09 00:00:00 | by Ramneet | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes indeed, if you're not free to feel at home with yourself you may never find that feeling anywhere. Feel free to enjoy natures incredible inspirations and consider the reflections they appear of self awareness after all of such were we created.

    Bruce

    PS: In line nine I think it's "artists", you should edit.
    | Posted on 2013-07-08 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


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