Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Invisible


Author: CNPerry
Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 20 /27 /21
Words: 36
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1552
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 247



Description:




Invisible



There's sadness in the presence of absence

There's a dark that's more dark in the light

There's a hole in the crowd

That you have allowed

Because you gave up the fight




Submitted on 2013-07-09 23:43:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  Forces a little thought, quite deep. Quite the poet kind of thing. That makes several of yours I've seen today that show the soul of a poet at work.
| Posted on 2013-07-17 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
  There's sadness in the presence of absence

There's a dark that's more dark in the light

There's a hole in the crowd

That you have allowed

Because you gave up the fight


Yes, there is sadness, particularly when someone is conspicuously absent as opposed to being coincidentally missing. And I suppose this sort of absence/ loss would be a bit bittersweet for someone who's more than aware that the absent party is normally present. Just my thoughts on your thoughts.
| Posted on 2013-07-10 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
  Well I dont know, I feel like it made me confused only because you said "presence of absence" almost a complete contradiction. Although I could generally say that this whole piece seemed "nonsensical" no offense, but theres a hole in what crowd, I do get the invisible reference and it somewhat makes sense but its probably too confusing for the average reader to take in, maybe make it longer to express the intent of the poem.
| Posted on 2013-07-10 00:00:00 | by Big_Bill789 | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



197608