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    dots Submission Name: Rocks Through The Windowdots

    Author: Jazzy
    ASL Info:    20/f/USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 90/220/226
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 816
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 975


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    dotsRocks Through The Windowdots

    Your gaze is a rock through my window.
    Your breath is the sting of a scorpion,
    Preying upon my neck.
    So still, I am
    That I might not anger you.
    Your touch is drama, as gossip floats
    Above my hips and sinks down
    Below my waist.
    Your hate is a cool oasis,
    Words trickling softly down my throat.
    I lick up the ones I've missed
    Which splatter over my chest.
    Your voice is tension building,
    Singing dirt covered words that strangle.
    Your hurried movements are shadows,
    Quick against the wall and gone again.
    Your cries are poison, flooding my veins,
    Stopping my heart.
    My cries are safety, a landing struck.
    My touch is a battle, waging war across
    Your hills and valleys.
    My hate is danger, pulling you closer still
    Into the heat and flames.
    My gaze is falling, watching a rock
    Break my window.

    Submitted on 2013-07-18 23:03:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the way you start and finish this piece causes it to be a continual cycle of abuse/torment/brokenness.
    its quite well done.

    some of your imagery has been over used during my time on this site though you do have some very good ways of showing the tension between the two main characters of this piece.

    walking on egg shells is not a good basis for any relationship and yet this one seems content to continue the way it has been due to the bookending of the rock through the window gaze...

    a forever of brokenness if you will.
    i hope a solution or compromise can be found.
    | Posted on 2013-07-20 00:00:00 | by impossiblyme | [ Reply to This ]

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