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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Battles in Spacedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ChrystalR
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126/121/58
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 612
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 867



    Description:
       A poem about struggles and life, wrapped around a few metaphors. I seem to have a thing for disguising things behind spaceships lately. My second piece after having been out of the writing game for a while. Not sure how to "type" this one. Serious? Dark?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBattles in Spacedots
    -------------------------------------------


    ***

    In endless space floats a dire ship wee
    Too frail to contend she fears the debris
    But not more so, than the battle ahead
    A battle fought by frigates, black and red

    What chance in space has the dwarfish ship?
    Unequipped, without allies, her existence a quip
    Dodging the green beams aimed for her gut
    Through her weaker interior they easily cut

    Her dreams of victory, forgotten long ago
    In the end she will be the road-kill crow
    Yet the battles last, and the crew despair
    Over the odds so low and her faith unfair

    Inferior ships cannot hope to win
    The army tags passed to the next of kin
    But as long as she flies, she`ll dodge and dare
    Spite life and battle; the hopeless affair

    ***




    Submitted on 2013-07-24 04:27:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I knew once I read the title what I was in for and don't know why I continued...

    Ok I appreciate it for what it is, the jargon and phrasing fit everything in that realm perfectly, the tone, flow and vocabulary fit.

    On the other hand I cannot stand the idea that you even attempted to build a deeper metaphor in the over all piece for struggle of life. Beyond the few dash in lines blatantly. ( 3, 9 )

    I just cannot agree to the symbolism- I don't see it anything beyond forced if it does exist.

    -Dustin
    | Posted on 2013-07-28 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the way this kind of puts you there. We can forever root for the under dog, the whole basis of true heroism.
    | Posted on 2013-07-25 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      This was pretty deep, sire. This piece has a lot of symbolism and like you said in your description, metaphor. I enjoyed this a lot not only because it's written fantastically, but because the theme and rhymes are just spot on amazing. Definitely a favorite, thanks for sharing - really.
    | Posted on 2013-07-24 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]


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