Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: elementarydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KotaNashi
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 29/36/18
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 744
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 223



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotselementarydots
    -------------------------------------------


    fishes swimming in the sky
    and passing in the river by
    bluer than the bluest ocean
    swishing in the oddest motion
    raising sails to stretch in the breeze
    im content
    on days like these




    Submitted on 2013-07-31 01:08:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      :)
    | Posted on 2013-08-10 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      It took me a bit to get past, "Swimming in the oddest motion" because I kept getting this silly scene in my head during that line. I kinda just pictured this out of place person trying to survive or endure the calm currents of this massive ocean, and there's this silly Lo-fi Pop music being played in the background. Maybe something like Velocity Girl or Tiger Trap or... I 'unno.

    Gathering 'Serious Energy', I can say that the simplicity of it makes the best of it. It's short and sweet to the point.

    Well done.
    | Posted on 2013-08-08 00:00:00 | by Kael Fenshir | [ Reply to This ]
      Simple and sweet.

    Just a few personal issues. One being the use of 'blue' and 'bluest' I feel you could find something better in accordance with that line. The second being the over all length of the piece, I know that it is a personal preference where some say less is more, but I feel you could of continued on expressing the over all theme and emotion a bit more. Otherwise nothing horrific about it and nothing epic about it, just a nice easy read.


    -Dustin
    | Posted on 2013-07-31 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197693

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Where is My Ghost written by ForgottenGraves
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Tides of Man written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Instances written by hyproglo
    To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    In My Head written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry