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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: elementarydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: KotaNashi
    Elite Ratio:    5.75 - 29/36/18
    Words: 34
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 669
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 223



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotselementarydots
    -------------------------------------------


    fishes swimming in the sky
    and passing in the river by
    bluer than the bluest ocean
    swishing in the oddest motion
    raising sails to stretch in the breeze
    im content
    on days like these




    Submitted on 2013-07-31 01:08:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      :)
    | Posted on 2013-08-10 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
      It took me a bit to get past, "Swimming in the oddest motion" because I kept getting this silly scene in my head during that line. I kinda just pictured this out of place person trying to survive or endure the calm currents of this massive ocean, and there's this silly Lo-fi Pop music being played in the background. Maybe something like Velocity Girl or Tiger Trap or... I 'unno.

    Gathering 'Serious Energy', I can say that the simplicity of it makes the best of it. It's short and sweet to the point.

    Well done.
    | Posted on 2013-08-08 00:00:00 | by Kael Fenshir | [ Reply to This ]
      Simple and sweet.

    Just a few personal issues. One being the use of 'blue' and 'bluest' I feel you could find something better in accordance with that line. The second being the over all length of the piece, I know that it is a personal preference where some say less is more, but I feel you could of continued on expressing the over all theme and emotion a bit more. Otherwise nothing horrific about it and nothing epic about it, just a nice easy read.


    -Dustin
    | Posted on 2013-07-31 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]


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