[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: burstingdots

    Author: Rhaine
    ASL Info:    25/Yes/An Alley
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 660/744/196
    Words: 174
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 603
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1139

       idk i just typed this up, kind of all over the place, but thats usually how my work is. i dont want anything grammar wise im really looking to add to or rewrite some of this, it could be better. enjoy!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    i try to hide this pissed off feeling
    i close my eyes and lose myself
    i feel blue
    i feel red

    rushing wind outside these ears
    tingling in the toes
    everything's so upside down
    i fear a constant falling

    would the rain drown out my laugh
    as the river swallows me

    i peer inside my busy mind
    i allow myself that much
    marching cats and dynamite
    falling bridges and lava trees

    running and running and running i go
    wishing and wishing and...wishing i guess
    who knows these things
    who reads the lines
    who has the time

    will the birds eat my brains
    will they just stare
    will they ever call again

    i hate you i love you
    you help me you hinder me
    just press pause

    spinning and spinning
    swearing and cursing
    yelling til my face is hot
    til my tongue falls off

    i want to be content
    i want the sky to glow
    i want to spread open my arms
    and consume the world

    Submitted on 2013-08-02 14:50:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I can really see what you mean by all over the place. But I figure that if you like to write with such imagination, such things should come naturally and with spontaneity.

    I feel that if you tried to make it better... you know sit down and thought about it, you might take the life out of it. It was interesting and fun to read and even crazy to try to picture some of these things. But it isn't a piece that needs deep thought or revision. Just expression. There is raw emotion in these lines and I thought the piece did its job.

    | Posted on 2013-08-22 00:00:00 | by AEREASSAULT | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    You read free written by poetotoe
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    Every..... written by jackz
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    AI written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Fasade written by jackz
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Cover written by saartha
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]