Description: idk i just typed this up, kind of all over the place, but thats usually how my work is. i dont want anything grammar wise im really looking to add to or rewrite some of this, it could be better. enjoy!
I can really see what you mean by all over the place. But I figure that if you like to write with such imagination, such things should come naturally and with spontaneity.
I feel that if you tried to make it better... you know sit down and thought about it, you might take the life out of it. It was interesting and fun to read and even crazy to try to picture some of these things. But it isn't a piece that needs deep thought or revision. Just expression. There is raw emotion in these lines and I thought the piece did its job.