Entangling by Outlaw

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Submission Name: Entangling dots

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Author:	Outlaw
Elite Ratio:	8 - 510/413/195
Words:	133

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	894
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	946

Description:
I re-looked at another old poem. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do/did.

Entangling dots

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I like to watch
the many little
choices you make
unfold into a tree.

I enjoy seeing where my roots are,
commingling with yours
and yet somehow
asunder
we manage to stand.

I am foolish! I should be burned
at
the bark for,
I am green of envy.

Autumn sends yet its heralds;
and I feel my leaves' souls writhing.
Can you see me yet?
Are you reddening now?

I bark at you,
my chester heart aflame
because of your leaves,
I bark in desperation.

Let me cherish fruits -
the ones born by bees.

Let me eat fruit
and consume sundered souls

Let me sleep there
sleep where I am with you.

Submitted on 2013-08-04 11:33:56 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
Quite clever here. I bark, I bark, what a lark.

Lloyd
| Posted on 2013-08-12 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]
Is this about that same aforementioned girl in the mini-skirt you were so enamored with. If so your definitely getting over your tongue tied. Crazy madly deeply you 'bark'! This was a lot of fun in an other handed, vicarious kind of way. It's good to see you writing.

Bruce
| Posted on 2013-08-04 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

197715

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Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.