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    dots Submission Name: will i ever evolvedots

    Author: Rhaine
    ASL Info:    25/Yes/An Alley
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 660/744/196
    Words: 212
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 704
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1428

       im trying to find myself....i feel like i know what i want to be but the insides just dont match up....i dont want to be that girl who is perky and happy and giggling all the time on the outside but has so much hatred and anger and jealousy on the inside...sometimes i just feel like three people crammed in one body...i cry i hate i rage i pummel, but i care i love and want to belong and then theres just someone else who knows that its all bullshit just be yourself....how can i be myself if i dont know which path to follow? i know i know its life everyone has this problem, but you know i thought i would have become someone else by now...i started this website almost 10 years ago and i still feel like that dark morbid angry 14 year old girl.

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    dotswill i ever evolvedots

    i close my eyes
    and try to remember

    long hot summer nights
    sunburns and sand between the toes
    sticky fingers from the melting ice cream
    carefree and happy
    all through the day

    girls laughing
    girls playing
    jumping on the trampoline

    so much unsaid
    so few cares

    the car rides to nowhere
    the freedom of fresh, new wonder

    so much anger
    too much hate
    always doubting
    always crying
    never trusting
    always judging

    keeping so much rage inside
    killing my youth
    making me bitter
    wanting to end it all
    yet too afraid to even try

    everything was so dark
    yet on the outside
    i tried to shine
    tried to be the girl
    they all thought i was

    gone are the glory days
    of my so called youth
    no more childs play

    all the darkness
    it's still there
    all the joy
    it's so far beneath
    will i ever find it?
    can i ever find it?
    do i want to find it?

    what have i become
    that i don't even know who i am
    all the years of looking
    all the pain of growing

    i want to be free
    i long to be happy

    so how do i do this?

    Submitted on 2013-08-05 16:23:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Mmmmm...the topic of freedom...and how to achieve it...lets just keep it simple

    Doesn't matter how much money you have in the bank, you are always going to be a slave to keeping that money in there. Or adding to it.

    Doesn't matter how much money you don't have, you are always going to be a slave to the need to eat and sleep somewhere.

    Remember, even bums living under a bridge fight for the best place to sleep. And every financially independent man will try to buy something that no one else owns. And by God how they love to decree that buying a house and having a mortgage is the "American dream!"

    Taxes. There is nowhere you can go to escape that. Unless it is under a bridge.

    Happiness? Well that CAN be achieved. As long as you can come to a reasonable agreement with yourself as to how much freedom as described above that you can and/or cannot live without.

    Finding someone to do what it takes to share the same level of happiness you are willing to commit to in order to feel free? It can be done.

    And that is all I have to say about that.
    | Posted on 2015-01-04 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]

    I wish I could answer your question but I don't understand the cause of the bitterness. Freedom is a state of mind as much as a physical state. There's a duality to life: some people are lovable, some people deserve hatred, you can't trust them, you must doubt them, and perhaps you need to judge them. As for rage, some people don't deserve to live. These things are just reality, perhaps you need to accept the realism of this aimed humanoid condition. Learn to rise above. Love yourself and don't live so much for others. They should accept you for who you are not be deluded by your facade. Don't try to make them feel for a false image for true love and friendship doesn't grow from deception. Though it's true we do get to decide who we are to a degree, self evasion is not the goal. Life is a multifarious diversity, like Socrates said "Know thyself".


    PS: If this makes you want to give me my shot of hemlock try to resist, it was given in good faith!
    | Posted on 2013-08-16 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]

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