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    dots Submission Name: Heart Murmurerdots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 880
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2667


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeart Murmurerdots

                        Moonlight sighs through the window
                        And puddles at your feet.
                        The stars in the sky are fancy and bright
                        But about you glows the fire of love
                        Profoundly translucent and deeper than
                        The solitude of this moment alone
                        Watching you dream awake the world
                        I feel my heart has no room to spare
                        You are everywhere
                        We are bedded in infinite space
                        Drifting to our date with eternity
                        But In your brown eyes I realize
                        No matter how vast love becomes
                        For you and I
                        It’s always going to be
                        The perfect size

    Submitted on 2013-08-07 21:41:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      there was something else I spotted when I read this a while back but I forgot to mention it in my earlier post

    But In your brown eyes I realize

    seems like there is something missing in this line or are you really in her brown eyes?

    just a thought
    | Posted on 2014-01-07 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one, I like the ending a lot. But this line

    Moonlight sighs through the window
    And laps puddles at your feet.

    It makes me think the moon is drinking from the puddle and I can't get rid of that image in my head. Why not just say

    and puddles at your feet.
    And maybe slides' instead of sighs'? Somehow the sound doesn't go with the action although I do like 'sighs through the window'
    | Posted on 2014-01-06 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      Quite beautiful in a truly classic sense. "Deeper than diamond" if you can imagine that.

    | Posted on 2013-08-12 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]

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