Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heart Murmurerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 929
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2667



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeart Murmurerdots
    -------------------------------------------


                        Moonlight sighs through the window
                        And puddles at your feet.
                        The stars in the sky are fancy and bright
                        But about you glows the fire of love
                        Profoundly translucent and deeper than
                        Diamond.
                        The solitude of this moment alone
                        Watching you dream awake the world
                        I feel my heart has no room to spare
                        You are everywhere
                        We are bedded in infinite space
                        Drifting to our date with eternity
                        But In your brown eyes I realize
                        No matter how vast love becomes
                        For you and I
                        It’s always going to be
                        The perfect size




    Submitted on 2013-08-07 21:41:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      there was something else I spotted when I read this a while back but I forgot to mention it in my earlier post

    But In your brown eyes I realize

    seems like there is something missing in this line or are you really in her brown eyes?

    just a thought
    | Posted on 2014-01-07 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one, I like the ending a lot. But this line

    Moonlight sighs through the window
    And laps puddles at your feet.

    It makes me think the moon is drinking from the puddle and I can't get rid of that image in my head. Why not just say

    and puddles at your feet.
    ''
    And maybe slides' instead of sighs'? Somehow the sound doesn't go with the action although I do like 'sighs through the window'
    | Posted on 2014-01-06 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      Quite beautiful in a truly classic sense. "Deeper than diamond" if you can imagine that.

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2013-08-12 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197728

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Push written by JanePlane
    Bond written by saartha
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    To written by SavedDragon
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Incubus written by monad
    The Promise written by annie0888
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    This written by Chelebel
    Linger written by saartha

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry