Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Heart Murmurerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 827
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2667



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHeart Murmurerdots
    -------------------------------------------


                        Moonlight sighs through the window
                        And puddles at your feet.
                        The stars in the sky are fancy and bright
                        But about you glows the fire of love
                        Profoundly translucent and deeper than
                        Diamond.
                        The solitude of this moment alone
                        Watching you dream awake the world
                        I feel my heart has no room to spare
                        You are everywhere
                        We are bedded in infinite space
                        Drifting to our date with eternity
                        But In your brown eyes I realize
                        No matter how vast love becomes
                        For you and I
                        It’s always going to be
                        The perfect size




    Submitted on 2013-08-07 21:41:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      there was something else I spotted when I read this a while back but I forgot to mention it in my earlier post

    But In your brown eyes I realize

    seems like there is something missing in this line or are you really in her brown eyes?

    just a thought
    | Posted on 2014-01-07 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      I like this one, I like the ending a lot. But this line

    Moonlight sighs through the window
    And laps puddles at your feet.

    It makes me think the moon is drinking from the puddle and I can't get rid of that image in my head. Why not just say

    and puddles at your feet.
    ''
    And maybe slides' instead of sighs'? Somehow the sound doesn't go with the action although I do like 'sighs through the window'
    | Posted on 2014-01-06 00:00:00 | by ponykeeper | [ Reply to This ]
      Quite beautiful in a truly classic sense. "Deeper than diamond" if you can imagine that.

    Lloyd
    | Posted on 2013-08-12 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197728

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Relativity written by poetotoe
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Records I written by Raphael
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry