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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Devil's Advocate: The Dark Horse (Not Findots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: HisNameIsNoMore
    ASL Info:    28 - Male - Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.03 - 75/186/232
    Words: 43
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 712
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 295



    Description:
       I feel like writing a group of free form poems that pertain to...

    Not finished, feel free to comment CC on this or any other of my works.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Devil's Advocate: The Dark Horse (Not Findots
    -------------------------------------------



    I am the suffocation.
    - Water impacting; silently screaming beneath filled lungs.

    I am the chains.
    - Impervious to breaking; future building relief that the singing cannot hope to escape-
    - No breaking free.

    I am above the soul.




    Submitted on 2013-08-22 14:59:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it. I just think maybe if you put in something in front of "beneath filled lungs". such as " adjective filled lungs or noun filled lungs" I would have enjoyed it more. it may be a quibble but for me that line made all the difference. Otherwise fine keep writing really enjoyed the poem. O course you could expand but it seems pretty good to me as is, the ground is fertile.
    | Posted on 2013-08-23 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]
      Ha! You can't finish it because the topic is too enormous? Or you can finish it because ...

    I can't begin reading it because the metaphor is kinda unfinished. I got the black or roan horse, all chained up and drowning in that excavated cellar for a future building, but why is it singing, how can it, and if that is somebody else singing then who is it?

    My self is whatever knows it has a soul?
    | Posted on 2013-08-23 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]


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