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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Evergladesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 49
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 994
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 356



    Description:
       wrote this while driving through the everglades


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEvergladesdots
    -------------------------------------------



    Vastness
    Untouched
    Broken only by ugliness
    Human ugliness
    Concrete
    Stabbing through the green
    That’s what we do
    Stomp out what is
    What should be?
    What has been?
    Sop up the pristine
    Then ring it out
    That’s our legacy
    Dirty
    Dishwater




    Submitted on 2013-08-23 16:41:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was very nice. Simple, and yet deep. Pretty, yet sharp and very much to the point. I liked and agreed with this, like a small portrait of the world we live in, where the beaty of nature and life is tainted by humans, Our technology, cities and filth. Humanity really is the worst thing to happen to the green Earth, and we won`t leave it as wonderful as we found it.

    A very good piece! I had an issue with the last two lines for some reason. I see you`ve used the same letter to begin some of the middle sentences, but that might be coincidental, I just for some reason didn`t feel it fit that well at the end. I Guess it felt a bit reduntant, and that I would have removed dirty, because it is obvious that dishwater is dirty, and the metaphor does nicely without spelling it out. But that was the only thing there that I had an issue With. I loved the lines "Concrete, stabbing through the green". Short, Sharp and precice! Very, very Nice :D
    | Posted on 2013-08-26 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]


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