Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I knew you dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 588
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 489



    Description:
       not sure about this title?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI knew you dots
    -------------------------------------------



    I say it before you have a chance to
    I know your smell
    The crease of your brow
    Because I know you
    I see your hidden anger
    I can tell what you’d have me do
    I can make your heart beat in time with mine
    Because I know you
    I am afraid of your darkness
    There is a pain only you can own
    You have built me so steadfast
    Only you can break me
    Because as much as I know you
    I know me




    Submitted on 2013-08-23 16:44:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like the ending to this piece. It adds a bit of mystery and questioning because the speaker seems unsure of both the other person and themselves in this poem. Also the lines "I know your smell/ the crease of your brow" flow together very nicely.
    | Posted on 2013-08-24 00:00:00 | by lolaxelmo | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with being unsure of the title. The speaker in the poem seems certain of knowing. Current tense. The title is past tense. That feels a little off. At least, to me, but maybe you had a reason for doing it that way. Making the reader question what changed, perhaps.

    That aside, I do like this piece. Sounds interesting, and leaves me with questions. What pain? What caused you to be scared of someone you know so well?

    It sounds a bit like an abusive relationship, but it could be so many other things.

    Interesting. :)
    | Posted on 2013-08-24 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197799

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    This written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Giving written by jjd
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Push written by JanePlane

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry