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    dots Submission Name: I knew you dots

    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 491
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 489

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    dotsI knew you dots

    I say it before you have a chance to
    I know your smell
    The crease of your brow
    Because I know you
    I see your hidden anger
    I can tell what you’d have me do
    I can make your heart beat in time with mine
    Because I know you
    I am afraid of your darkness
    There is a pain only you can own
    You have built me so steadfast
    Only you can break me
    Because as much as I know you
    I know me

    Submitted on 2013-08-23 16:44:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like the ending to this piece. It adds a bit of mystery and questioning because the speaker seems unsure of both the other person and themselves in this poem. Also the lines "I know your smell/ the crease of your brow" flow together very nicely.
    | Posted on 2013-08-24 00:00:00 | by lolaxelmo | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree with being unsure of the title. The speaker in the poem seems certain of knowing. Current tense. The title is past tense. That feels a little off. At least, to me, but maybe you had a reason for doing it that way. Making the reader question what changed, perhaps.

    That aside, I do like this piece. Sounds interesting, and leaves me with questions. What pain? What caused you to be scared of someone you know so well?

    It sounds a bit like an abusive relationship, but it could be so many other things.

    Interesting. :)
    | Posted on 2013-08-24 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]

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