Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Solvent, Solutedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Black Rock Tractor
    Elite Ratio:    3.78 - 555/824/140
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1350
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 319



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSolvent, Solutedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Today,
    I will pour myself from
    myself,
    just like yesterday,
    like tomorrow will be.
    But when I seep
    back in,
    you somehow seep
    back with me,
    like a single
    homogenous mixture,
    and I cannot distinguish-
    are you the solvent,
    or am I?




    Submitted on 2004-08-04 09:43:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      It has always been a real point to me metaphysically that we as humans sort of leave indelible marks on each other . Sure in a perfect world its totally subject to translation and interpretation but this doesn't seem to be the functional aimed catalytic . Even simple passers by leave there marks . I like the way you have dealt with this in your poem . Especially the last few lines . I am often confronted with these feelings when I try to sort my humanities from my sociologies .
    | Posted on 2010-03-25 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm. Another interesting piece you're come up with here, Rees.
    My only criticism: the line "expunged myself from myself" seems (to me) just a tad akward... it kinda reminded me of that line in the Austin Powers movie "Spy Who Shagged Me" when he says "allow myself to introduce myself..hmm" I still crack up whenever I see that part.
    Otherwise, this is a really great write. I love how you managed to incorporate a chemistry theme into it. Just the scientist in me I guess. But I particularly like the last part of the poem -- so well meshed with each otehr that you don't know where you end and she begins. I also get kind of a slight undertone of dominance versus submission with the wording of solvent vs. solute - one being the active (agressor?) and the other being passive... but that's probably just me...?
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with Lelik.. i think by contracting cannot to can't.. the last 3 lines are delivered with more fluidity.

    i thought it was interesting that you chose to use the word 'expunged'.. not because of its meaning but rather the sound itself.. it's not a... romantic (for want of a better word) sounding word.. i know solvents aren't either..and afterall this poem delivers a message of love in a very unconventional way.. but the word expunge in particular.. just makes me think of bodily functions that should not be mentioned in public.. lol

    but this got me thinking.. the meaning of this poem could be taken to be both positive and negative at the same time. you are so much a part of each other that you are inseparable. indistinguishable. and while that sounds great on the surface.. it still is a double-edged sword.. losing yourself in another person, where your self-identity becomes embedded in theirs. very interesting poem.
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by girlinthephoto | [ Reply to This ]
      This is quite puzzle like. Expunged means to erase, typically from a record. So this says to me that each day you wish to become non existant, and not only you, but your partner, who with you is one mixture. So you final question then would ask which of you is the eraser and which the erased, but if you are homogenous, then each of you would be both, No? Well interesting and enjoyable to read, always enjoy something that makes me stop to think.
    Dave
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      well i have to say that this is good. i really enjoyed it. not to long just right and says everything you need it to. i am glad to see some stuff from you i havent in a little while. great job lia
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by lili | [ Reply to This ]
      someone told me that part of my last poem sounded too scientific I don't feel so bad now. Seriously, I really like the originality of this. I'm glad you're bold enough to experiment. The 5th line throws me a little, but other than that, Very nice write!
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      and I can't distinguish -
    are you the solvent,
    or am I?

    That was my only suggestion. This was a very enjoyable read. Strange to say that something which is painful for someone else makes enjoyeable reading, but sometimes it helps us take another look at life and I suppose that makes all the crap we put up with bearable. *shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*...allright already, enough of that!
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by Lelik | [ Reply to This ]
      When I seen that you posted something new I got excited! Ready to read what create words you've put together. I like this, and the idea with the whole solvent thing at the end. Great ending. Excellent job!
    --blt
    | Posted on 2004-08-04 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    19781

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    prison written by ShyOne
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    The World written by jjd
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Records I written by Raphael
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    Love written by saartha
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry