I will pour myself from
just like yesterday,
like tomorrow will be.
But when I seep
you somehow seep
back with me,
like a single
and I cannot distinguish-
are you the solvent,
or am I?
It has always been a real point to me metaphysically that we as humans sort of leave indelible marks on each other . Sure in a perfect world its totally subject to translation and interpretation but this doesn't seem to be the functional aimed catalytic . Even simple passers by leave there marks . I like the way you have dealt with this in your poem . Especially the last few lines . I am often confronted with these feelings when I try to sort my humanities from my sociologies .
Hmm. Another interesting piece you're come up with here, Rees. My only criticism: the line "expunged myself from myself" seems (to me) just a tad akward... it kinda reminded me of that line in the Austin Powers movie "Spy Who Shagged Me" when he says "allow myself to introduce myself..hmm" I still crack up whenever I see that part. Otherwise, this is a really great write. I love how you managed to incorporate a chemistry theme into it. Just the scientist in me I guess. But I particularly like the last part of the poem -- so well meshed with each otehr that you don't know where you end and she begins. I also get kind of a slight undertone of dominance versus submission with the wording of solvent vs. solute - one being the active (agressor?) and the other being passive... but that's probably just me...?
i agree with Lelik.. i think by contracting cannot to can't.. the last 3 lines are delivered with more fluidity.
i thought it was interesting that you chose to use the word 'expunged'.. not because of its meaning but rather the sound itself.. it's not a... romantic (for want of a better word) sounding word.. i know solvents aren't either..and afterall this poem delivers a message of love in a very unconventional way.. but the word expunge in particular.. just makes me think of bodily functions that should not be mentioned in public.. lol
but this got me thinking.. the meaning of this poem could be taken to be both positive and negative at the same time. you are so much a part of each other that you are inseparable. indistinguishable. and while that sounds great on the surface.. it still is a double-edged sword.. losing yourself in another person, where your self-identity becomes embedded in theirs. very interesting poem.
This is quite puzzle like. Expunged means to erase, typically from a record. So this says to me that each day you wish to become non existant, and not only you, but your partner, who with you is one mixture. So you final question then would ask which of you is the eraser and which the erased, but if you are homogenous, then each of you would be both, No? Well interesting and enjoyable to read, always enjoy something that makes me stop to think. Dave
someone told me that part of my last poem sounded too scientific I don't feel so bad now. Seriously, I really like the originality of this. I'm glad you're bold enough to experiment. The 5th line throws me a little, but other than that, Very nice write!
and I can't distinguish - are you the solvent, or am I?
That was my only suggestion. This was a very enjoyable read. Strange to say that something which is painful for someone else makes enjoyeable reading, but sometimes it helps us take another look at life and I suppose that makes all the crap we put up with bearable. *shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*shrug*sigh*...allright already, enough of that!
When I seen that you posted something new I got excited! Ready to read what create words you've put together. I like this, and the idea with the whole solvent thing at the end. Great ending. Excellent job! --blt