Waiting by isis

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Waiting dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	isis_lenore
Elite Ratio:	3.78 - 459/207/102
Words:	81

Class/Type:	Misc/Longing
Total Views:	719
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	506

Description:

Waiting

-------------------------------------------

I want you to reach out
run your hand down my face,
through my hair. I want you
to want me beyond the chase.

Beyond the horizon the sun melts
into the moon's soft embrace.
for but a moment, as one
tangled in their special place.

You mouth some day, one dayâ€¦
Is that enough to get through the chase?
With your lips pressed against my face
inhaling your scent and Iâ€¦. donâ€™t know

Submitted on 2013-08-28 17:07:16 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
The chase is fun. Dreaming is often more pleasurable then elusive reality. At some point i grew too old for the chase not wanting to waste my time I just immediately cut it short and was like is this going to go anywhere because if its not then onward i search.

Anyway as far as the poem I love that you paint the scene enough to feel the caress on a cheek. Imagine running hands through your hair as I've done with my wife and many past lovers. I liked the way you used the otherwise clichéd sun and moon masculine/ feminine uniquely to symbolize limbo, cuddling or making love the specifics aren't important.

It could be taken a step further what time of year ect but i don't know that this piece needs it. It just make it even more imersive
| Posted on 2013-09-11 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
Very nice. That is all :)
| Posted on 2013-09-02 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece? 7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?

197821

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.
Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
To the Epilogue written by HisNameIsNoMore
Incubus written by monad
Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
The First Time written by Wolfwatching
Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
ME written by jjd
Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
Commencement written by Ramneet
untitled written by Chelebel
The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
The Last to Walk the Earth written by HisNameIsNoMore
In My Head written by faideddarkness
Sunt Mala Quae Libas written by MyPeriodical
Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
Cage written by distortedcloud
Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3 It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
It means a lot to them, as it does to you.