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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Lady Killerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: JanePlane
    ASL Info:    125/F/everyplane
    Elite Ratio:    6.76 - 415/433/130
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 817
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 343



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLady Killerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    this night is sticking
    clinging
    like a needy child

    you shake off

    this night is dying

    bugs on the eyes

    dead

    You hold the smoking gun
    You hold the blankets tight over your head
    You pretend you don’t know

    You’re a killer




    Submitted on 2013-08-30 21:07:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
       I get a strong emotional feeling, but I am not sure I'm with you on meaning. I find reaction to a man who has killed the emotion with a woman. "Bugs on the eyes dead" I like. Makes me smile a literary smile although a smile in context of the piece doesn't seem appropriate. - Jim
    | Posted on 2014-05-20 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the opening and phrasing of "bugs on the eyes".
    Maybe I would have liked you to either elaborate a but more at the end or else leave things vague. I get the guilty dark feeling in the tone and It works well. Just think this poem could lose itself a little more. It's quite artistic with the layout and all, I'm enjoying your lines but the concluding lines do little for me. It's not something you should change. I just appreciated a certain part of this more than the whole.
    | Posted on 2013-09-03 00:00:00 | by Wolfwatching | [ Reply to This ]
      The one night stand. The come and go. In and out and all that.

    It clings like a needy child. I don't think you feel that way, I think that's more of how it feels to the 'Killer' in the piece.

    I like the last three lines especially 'You pretend you don't know". I feel like there's a lot of truth to that statement. After a certain point, you can't ignore the facts sitting in front of you. And I know men who know exactly how to hunt. So it looks like the 'killer' is being painted as a predator and that damn well might be true, maybe not but regardless, you wrote what you felt and I think you wrote it well.
    | Posted on 2013-09-02 00:00:00 | by Silenced Hope | [ Reply to This ]


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