[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Time to Give Shitdots

    Author: Iram
    ASL Info:    25/F/from your world
    Elite Ratio:    2.66 - 50/62/55
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1066
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1316


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTime to Give Shitdots

    You don't see how annoyed
    I am?
    Like a silver eyed ivy
    Like a blood sucking vine
    That grows in the salt
    Beneath our skins.
    How venomous
    Do I look?
    How bad, abnormal
    Angry, animalistic?
    An open pored organism
    That hides from the sun
    And weeps bitterly
    In your muted ears
    In the raven nights
    Have you wondered the horizon
    Is merely a cut?
    Like I have felt its injury
    Grooving my lips red
    Its non virgin partition
    Licked my blood dry
    Daily at the dusk
    It rottened my veins more
    More hateful, more boiled.
    I have heard my shrieks
    Being always hushed
    I have burnt many times
    In the remains of my dreams
    And love has burnt by me
    Like a ghostly alter ego
    Leaving its molten meat
    On my broken claws
    But no, no blames taken
    No more hurts taken
    For how many times
    I shall not give you shit
    For I have seen myself choking
    For I have watched me dying
    And watched me keep on dying
    And for more than once
    I couldn't save myself
    I couldn't wake them up
    Who address me grace
    Were asleep then.

    Submitted on 2013-09-01 00:25:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with the person below. The expressions in this piece is really nicely done, I can see the frustration and agitation in the style you worded it. Though, I would try to at least change the flow of things, make it look less messy.
    Like the intro, for example...

    You don't see how annoyed
    I am?

    Maybe this would work to your fancy:

    Don't you see
    The annoyance blooming
    Reddening my cheeks

    It was only an idea, because style is always one to portray sort of wealth in mind. However, I suppose that is all based on the person, and not all of us can be of the same label.
    Nonetheless, I enjoyed reading, so thank you for sharing!
    | Posted on 2013-09-03 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      Sadness, grief, anger awesome expression.
    | Posted on 2013-09-02 00:00:00 | by lTheOnel | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    By the bar written by expiring_touch
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    Stretto written by saartha
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    This written by Chelebel
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    ME written by jjd
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]