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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Time to Give Shitdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Iram
    ASL Info:    25/F/from your world
    Elite Ratio:    2.66 - 50/62/55
    Words: 195
    Class/Type: Poetry/Angry
    Total Views: 1386
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1316



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTime to Give Shitdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You don't see how annoyed
    I am?
    Like a silver eyed ivy
    Like a blood sucking vine
    That grows in the salt
    Beneath our skins.
    How venomous
    Do I look?
    How bad, abnormal
    Angry, animalistic?
    An open pored organism
    That hides from the sun
    And weeps bitterly
    In your muted ears
    In the raven nights
    Alone.
    Have you wondered the horizon
    Is merely a cut?
    Like I have felt its injury
    Grooving my lips red
    Its non virgin partition
    Licked my blood dry
    Daily at the dusk
    It rottened my veins more
    More hateful, more boiled.
    I have heard my shrieks
    Being always hushed
    I have burnt many times
    In the remains of my dreams
    And love has burnt by me
    Like a ghostly alter ego
    Leaving its molten meat
    On my broken claws
    But no, no blames taken
    No more hurts taken
    For how many times
    I shall not give you shit
    For I have seen myself choking
    For I have watched me dying
    And watched me keep on dying
    And for more than once
    I couldn't save myself
    I couldn't wake them up
    Who address me grace
    Were asleep then.




    Submitted on 2013-09-01 00:25:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

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    ||| Comments |||
      I agree with the person below. The expressions in this piece is really nicely done, I can see the frustration and agitation in the style you worded it. Though, I would try to at least change the flow of things, make it look less messy.
    Like the intro, for example...

    You don't see how annoyed
    I am?

    Maybe this would work to your fancy:

    Don't you see
    The annoyance blooming
    Reddening my cheeks

    It was only an idea, because style is always one to portray sort of wealth in mind. However, I suppose that is all based on the person, and not all of us can be of the same label.
    Nonetheless, I enjoyed reading, so thank you for sharing!
    | Posted on 2013-09-03 00:00:00 | by MyPeriodical | [ Reply to This ]
      Sadness, grief, anger awesome expression.
    | Posted on 2013-09-02 00:00:00 | by lTheOnel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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