Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Rain


Author: expiring_touch
ASL Info:    30/f/Hamburg
Elite Ratio:    3.93 - 139 /257 /171
Words: 42
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1386
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 268



Description:




Rain



Oh not to lose these pieces of
Night time fog spilled suddenly
Over the finite sky, backlit, I could
Almost reach out and touch it-
unfold across my palm
Your eye in reverse,
Consumed by its own
black crystal.




Submitted on 2013-09-09 03:53:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I like the i thing in finite and lit
I/sky

The way backlit is situated and punctuated is so great because it creates a deliberate pause to go up against that whimsical or
Ingenuous startof oh... .... it makes a break between i could and
almost
Where the content matches the action or inaction very clearly and i love that.
The closing part about the eye.... idk, its like this poem is so tight in the way its crated i dont think im smart enough to be sure.of.what you are actually saying... like i couldnt say what it was... thr thing that it was.for you but as some have said from time.to time good writing is a win.dow for experience and so i am very sure what you are saying is very beautiful..... to qualify that i would say this poem makes me think about love when i have really found love. That was imperative, those people were special.... so this thing you are gettingat... ii really like this. Restricted to my ph so sorry about all thr typos
Daniel.
| Posted on 2014-05-03 00:00:00 | by Daniel Barlow | [ Reply to This ]
  I love how you referred to the nigh sky as a black crystal. im probably to young to understand the real meaning behind your poem though and for that I am very sorry.
| Posted on 2013-09-13 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



197851