Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Running Through Love's Twisted Gamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 762
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1056



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRunning Through Love's Twisted Gamedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lets rewind back to the moment we first met
    Disect and examine falling in love in retrospect
    Back then you were a beauty. Not outside but within
    But now you are beauty, with an evil twisted spin

    Fastforward to the middle, when we were nice and comfy
    Back when the words "i love you" still meant a little something
    And now those words are spoken without any flare or feeling
    I never thought "i love you" could have ever lost its meaning

    And today we're just as loveless as we were yesterday
    Your smile was my life but now you never smile that way
    And i think for you ive fallen, fallen deeper out of love
    Back then you would be worth it, but now its not enough

    So this is goodbye, ill say i love you just one last time
    Just one last time. I love you. Ive loved you my entire life
    I love you so much it hurts, because i love you like i do
    Just one last time, just one last time. I love you... i love you




    Submitted on 2013-09-14 17:41:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The first stanza is one of those...wait...read again moments. I just wanted to sit on it for a minute. Well done. For one, the way you draw your rhyme back in sometimes, a trick I love to do. ie: the met- to beginning with -dissect but still keeping the flow and end tight. Nice

    Now is when I nitpick

    The ending just lost me a bit. Not too badly but it's just that one smile. I read and read and I kept reading it.

    Your smile was my life but has long since gone away

    Meh...I'm a nut already cracked and getting stale in this peanut gallery so what do I know

    Anyhoo

    This was the perfect retrospect view of a love not reciprocated, withering and dying...with a small quench of water at the end.

    Peace

    | Posted on 2014-05-15 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful...Why'd the fire die I wonder?
    | Posted on 2013-09-28 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
      Stop start, on and off, better put that remote down, it's loaded.
    | Posted on 2013-09-15 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197864

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry