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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Running Through Love's Twisted Gamedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kase
    ASL Info:    27, Winnipeg
    Elite Ratio:    2.45 - 169/398/234
    Words: 186
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 838
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1056



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRunning Through Love's Twisted Gamedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Lets rewind back to the moment we first met
    Disect and examine falling in love in retrospect
    Back then you were a beauty. Not outside but within
    But now you are beauty, with an evil twisted spin

    Fastforward to the middle, when we were nice and comfy
    Back when the words "i love you" still meant a little something
    And now those words are spoken without any flare or feeling
    I never thought "i love you" could have ever lost its meaning

    And today we're just as loveless as we were yesterday
    Your smile was my life but now you never smile that way
    And i think for you ive fallen, fallen deeper out of love
    Back then you would be worth it, but now its not enough

    So this is goodbye, ill say i love you just one last time
    Just one last time. I love you. Ive loved you my entire life
    I love you so much it hurts, because i love you like i do
    Just one last time, just one last time. I love you... i love you




    Submitted on 2013-09-14 17:41:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The first stanza is one of those...wait...read again moments. I just wanted to sit on it for a minute. Well done. For one, the way you draw your rhyme back in sometimes, a trick I love to do. ie: the met- to beginning with -dissect but still keeping the flow and end tight. Nice

    Now is when I nitpick

    The ending just lost me a bit. Not too badly but it's just that one smile. I read and read and I kept reading it.

    Your smile was my life but has long since gone away

    Meh...I'm a nut already cracked and getting stale in this peanut gallery so what do I know

    Anyhoo

    This was the perfect retrospect view of a love not reciprocated, withering and dying...with a small quench of water at the end.

    Peace

    | Posted on 2014-05-15 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful...Why'd the fire die I wonder?
    | Posted on 2013-09-28 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
      Stop start, on and off, better put that remote down, it's loaded.
    | Posted on 2013-09-15 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]


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