Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Daydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 75
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 984
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 564



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Daydots
    -------------------------------------------


    One September day
    time was lucid
    change illusive
    love was something else

    One September day
    silence was peace
    Hope lost
    love was something else

    It was something else..

    Like the panorama of lights in the northern sky
    I'll never see..
    Or the fluidity of rain going to earth
    down to the seas
    to the soil
    to my cheek
    You'll never see..

    It was something else..

    love
    was another September day...




    Submitted on 2013-09-18 21:19:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like it , as all poems to be great it needs work. poe
    | Posted on 2013-09-23 00:00:00 | by poetotoe | [ Reply to This ]
      this was good. the ending was great. i dont really like nitpicking other peoples work, and yet even if i were to theres nothing here i would change.

    kase
    | Posted on 2013-09-22 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      My comment is a little abstract. Hopefully you get my meaning. If not I can try and explain it better :)
    | Posted on 2013-09-21 00:00:00 | by lolaxelmo | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the circular feel of this poem. It's fun to see and feel the author or the speaker pondering and seeing the thought process as the speaker tries to work through "It was something else." In the end it's just "another September day" seems like a pretty profound idea. The speaker has realized that he/she is the one who put all the weight on the "It was something else." The idea only existed in the person's mind, but now you've stretched to other people through the poem!

    Neat idea, and you presented it very well.
    | Posted on 2013-09-21 00:00:00 | by lolaxelmo | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    197896

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Chasing The Lie written by jackz
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Saying it to you with some gangsta shit written by Daniel Barlow
    Still written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Convergence written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stretto written by saartha
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    not alone written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    On Top of a Water Wheel written by Wolfwatching
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    ME written by jjd
    This written by Chelebel
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Dirge of Nostalgia written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Watch them Die written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One day older, One year wiser. written by Rhythmal
    Skulls Beyond the Palisade written by HisNameIsNoMore
    A Fire! A Knife! A Black Crow Calls! written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam Bam / Bre-anna written by Daniel Barlow
    Benediction written by Daniel Barlow
    Love and Solitaire written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    The Search written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry