Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Day 5: Speeddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zai
    ASL Info:    24/m/US
    Elite Ratio:    3.97 - 66/145/98
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 522
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 788



    Description:
       Runners will appreciate this. Thank you for reading.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDay 5: Speeddots
    -------------------------------------------


    Day 5: Speed

    Thump... Thump... Thump...
    On your marks...
    Thump... Thump...
    Get set...
    Thump...
    BANG!
    Powerful, Deadly Strength to
    Push, Go, Move, Breathe out,
    Strive!
    Thump, Thump, Thump, stride out,
    Breathe in, rake down, look up,
    Quick hands, flat back,
    Thump, thump, thump, can you keep this up?
    Thump thump thump, the end is in sight,
    Look up! The man on the right, think!
    Fight! Push, Go, Move,
    Powerful, Deadly Strength to
    Strive!
    Leave your pace behind,
    Shoulders count, Breathe out, lean in...
    Thump... Thump... Thump...
    A split second short, by just *that* far,
    But that's trivial now... What a *huge* PR!




    Submitted on 2013-10-12 23:57:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I love this. My first thought was of when I used to run sprints for track meets in high school. You tell your body exactly what you need to do and when to do it.

    The thumping to me seems like the nervousness leading up to the start of the race followed by the pounding of exertion.

    I remeber that same moment of looking to my side and seeing someone there, it's when you don't think you can put out anymore but somehow you do. I think you've captured that very well. It was almost like a flashback.
    | Posted on 2013-11-18 00:00:00 | by CaiZutto | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198044

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    A Worsening Effect written by Daniel Barlow
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry