Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Say Goodbyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 783
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 958



    Description:
       Inspired by the song "Say Goodbye" by Katharine Mcphee


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSay Goodbyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Say goodbye...

    As the night step on a narrow pavement
    While I feel heavy on the ground
    World seem to unwind over my head
    And the heart is unforgiving
    Unforgiving...

    Release me from your lips
    As I watch the world shatters
    By the highway
    I walk without a sound
    Nor a trace
    Not even a shadow to imitate me
    I am nameless
    Say my name...

    Say goodbye..

    So I can walk home
    Let the cool air in before I close the door
    Let it chill my spine
    Let it overpower me to sleep
    Lingering over and over to my blanket
    Lacking only you..

    Say goodbye..
    Say it with the caged birds singing
    Say it with the unruffled waves mumbling
    Say it with the lone sun descending
    Say it with the wind
    Say it with the nothingness of your heart

    Say my name..




    Submitted on 2013-10-14 00:53:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I haven't heard this song before but it must be special to have inspired such beautiful work.

    :)
    | Posted on 2014-10-23 00:00:00 | by irrelevantme | [ Reply to This ]
      We say goodbye as the wild earth cries
    and I lament how the death of love
    so becomes you

    I cry out your name

    Yet
    Through the long night comes a new pain
    parting
    on now
    strange city streets
    bequeathing false memories where dark silence abounds
    drowning sound,
    a tumult of affluent emptiness--

    I whisper your name

    my heart's hopes
    burst forth
    like a dream merchant marketing solaces,
    on a sunny Sunday before the church doors open

    But I am still alone
    and the slap of you still lingers
    more potent than any kiss
    because with you
    I am
    alive
    | Posted on 2013-10-21 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      I deeply like the imagery here. You have fantastic word choice and placement. I think this would make a great lyric sung to the song it was inspired by, you've captured the right emotions. My favorite part is the second to last stanza about the cool air chilling the spine and lingering over the bed where someone used to be. It's beautifully sad, how you've worded that.

    The only constructive criticism would be to add punctuation between some of the lines for a bit more structure to read by.

    But overall, excellent piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it, in a beautiful sorrowful mourning kind of way. Awesome.
    | Posted on 2013-10-16 00:00:00 | by Zai | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198049

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    A bit of Pain written by teika5
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Twin Intercept written by Daniel Barlow
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    Lie back & tan written by Daniel Barlow
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry