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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Say Goodbyedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jeniecel
    ASL Info:    28/f/philippines
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 313/373/169
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 927
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 958



    Description:
       Inspired by the song "Say Goodbye" by Katharine Mcphee


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSay Goodbyedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Say goodbye...

    As the night step on a narrow pavement
    While I feel heavy on the ground
    World seem to unwind over my head
    And the heart is unforgiving
    Unforgiving...

    Release me from your lips
    As I watch the world shatters
    By the highway
    I walk without a sound
    Nor a trace
    Not even a shadow to imitate me
    I am nameless
    Say my name...

    Say goodbye..

    So I can walk home
    Let the cool air in before I close the door
    Let it chill my spine
    Let it overpower me to sleep
    Lingering over and over to my blanket
    Lacking only you..

    Say goodbye..
    Say it with the caged birds singing
    Say it with the unruffled waves mumbling
    Say it with the lone sun descending
    Say it with the wind
    Say it with the nothingness of your heart

    Say my name..




    Submitted on 2013-10-14 00:53:02     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I haven't heard this song before but it must be special to have inspired such beautiful work.

    :)
    | Posted on 2014-10-23 00:00:00 | by irrelevantme | [ Reply to This ]
      We say goodbye as the wild earth cries
    and I lament how the death of love
    so becomes you

    I cry out your name

    Yet
    Through the long night comes a new pain
    parting
    on now
    strange city streets
    bequeathing false memories where dark silence abounds
    drowning sound,
    a tumult of affluent emptiness--

    I whisper your name

    my heart's hopes
    burst forth
    like a dream merchant marketing solaces,
    on a sunny Sunday before the church doors open

    But I am still alone
    and the slap of you still lingers
    more potent than any kiss
    because with you
    I am
    alive
    | Posted on 2013-10-21 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      I deeply like the imagery here. You have fantastic word choice and placement. I think this would make a great lyric sung to the song it was inspired by, you've captured the right emotions. My favorite part is the second to last stanza about the cool air chilling the spine and lingering over the bed where someone used to be. It's beautifully sad, how you've worded that.

    The only constructive criticism would be to add punctuation between some of the lines for a bit more structure to read by.

    But overall, excellent piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it, in a beautiful sorrowful mourning kind of way. Awesome.
    | Posted on 2013-10-16 00:00:00 | by Zai | [ Reply to This ]


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