I didn't mean to sabotage a rare chance at love
and leave you feeling it was just lust
I didn't understand what I lacked
And now that you are gone
it's as if I never had anything at all
which is nobodys fault
This apology is not so much for you as it is for God
Which is really odd because Abrahamic worship has never been my cup of tea
But maybe it's not about that
I certainly feel something profound internally
Is that God?
Is love God?
Is God so fragile that he or she dies perpetually if not nourished constantly?
Is God a newborn baby?
Is the fragility of love a metaphor for life and consciousness? Or death?
Maybe it is just me
I was never given the tools to create those undying bonds.
I guess you have to learn how to make them on your own
Has my existence been godforsaken for no reason?
Will the fucking irony of all this be the very thing that kills me?
In the end it is all so pointless; we really should have the ability to at least enjoy this
In fact it should be a mandate; pain is barbaric and we don't need to inherit another generation of trauma to destroy the fate of our unborn children
Why must every civilization be a Babylon?
What planet are we coming from?
Exploit and destroy in the name of progress and pass down a feeling of meaninglessness even though we shall all perish anyway
What a raw deal
I just wanted love
I am sorry I couldn't give you any
I am sorry I couldn't receive what you offered
I wish I could have known you before the "dawn" of civilization
Maybe it would have been easier
Maybe we could have breathed or even dreamed together
A merger of stars within combined minds defining who we are beyond the confines of time and social bonds
But instead we find lives so divided we will never be alright
Liberate me from this trauma
Free my soul from the tyranny of my brain and the real oppression handed down from generations of poverty and neurosis
Leave behind the regrets and pain
Take what you can and use the energy of the scars to push forward for an immortality that is real
Hear the echoes of a voice of truth
See them live on in the chambers of souls chained to the weights struggled against mine
Time heals wounds when the cycle is divided into paths walking towards eternity
Follow the glory to a place we recognize but have never been to
When we learn to love, the immortality we dreamed of will come alive
and light up the night like Aurora Borealis even on the darkest day
This is our collective destiny
and I ask you, are you ready?
But the most important question
is, am I ready?
Come dance with me now
So we can mend the emptiness together when the ashes of this civilization rain down and we may love once and for all and all apologies can rejoice in combination with the tranquility and beauty of cosmic origins
I read this over twice now and the goosebumps still haven't gone away. A great read, packed with so much emotion and imagery that I'm having a hard time pulling myself away. Thanks for sharing, and keep writing!