Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Your Celestial Bodydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: lebeauvide
    ASL Info:    24/F
    Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 75/295/165
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 581
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 653



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Celestial Bodydots
    -------------------------------------------


    I want to reach out
    and be able to touch you,
    to hear the sizzle of my fingers
    against your flesh
    as they make contact
    and fuse together-
    Becoming one celestial body.

    You burn so brightly,
    I don't think that I could
    ever dare to hold you.
    The very sight of you,
    haloed in your own glory,
    makes me feel so much
    greater than I truly am.

    You are a vast universe
    trapped inside of a clockwork body,
    but in those winding eyes,
    I have never seen such
    a great
    and terrible
    beauty.




    Submitted on 2013-10-27 23:53:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Or is this about finding god, and this sizzle is touching the flesh of a sinner? That the person in question is caught up in hubris?

    I like that there are so many levels to this.
    | Posted on 2013-11-05 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my, this one really speaks.

    In the first stanza I really like the "sizzle of my fingers against your flesh", it conveys the pulse of the trace and the onomatopoeia of the metaphor really well. Celestial body huh? Lofty expectations but fits great with the rest of the stanza. Like to assume its another metaphor for something more intimate.

    The second speaks so softly... so true. You admire them with such affection that you don't think you deserve them, and their aura makes you feel whole or even something beyond it.

    I love the references to vast universes and clockwork bodies. I feel like you're implying that the person is too expansive to be chained to a rigid life... and that chaos is the comfort in his eyes.

    This write will get a favorite. Thank you for putting it up for all to see.
    | Posted on 2013-11-05 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198104

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Carry written by saartha
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Etiquette written by saartha
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    prison written by ShyOne
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Love written by saartha
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry