[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Your Celestial Bodydots

    Author: lebeauvide
    ASL Info:    24/F
    Elite Ratio:    2.29 - 75/295/165
    Words: 107
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 615
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 653


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYour Celestial Bodydots

    I want to reach out
    and be able to touch you,
    to hear the sizzle of my fingers
    against your flesh
    as they make contact
    and fuse together-
    Becoming one celestial body.

    You burn so brightly,
    I don't think that I could
    ever dare to hold you.
    The very sight of you,
    haloed in your own glory,
    makes me feel so much
    greater than I truly am.

    You are a vast universe
    trapped inside of a clockwork body,
    but in those winding eyes,
    I have never seen such
    a great
    and terrible

    Submitted on 2013-10-27 23:53:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Or is this about finding god, and this sizzle is touching the flesh of a sinner? That the person in question is caught up in hubris?

    I like that there are so many levels to this.
    | Posted on 2013-11-05 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh my, this one really speaks.

    In the first stanza I really like the "sizzle of my fingers against your flesh", it conveys the pulse of the trace and the onomatopoeia of the metaphor really well. Celestial body huh? Lofty expectations but fits great with the rest of the stanza. Like to assume its another metaphor for something more intimate.

    The second speaks so softly... so true. You admire them with such affection that you don't think you deserve them, and their aura makes you feel whole or even something beyond it.

    I love the references to vast universes and clockwork bodies. I feel like you're implying that the person is too expansive to be chained to a rigid life... and that chaos is the comfort in his eyes.

    This write will get a favorite. Thank you for putting it up for all to see.
    | Posted on 2013-11-05 00:00:00 | by Passionbyapathy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    Every..... written by jackz
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    True Death written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    the living moment written by ShyOne




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]