[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Empty Apartment dots

    Author: SweetAndOhSoME
    ASL Info:    17/f/Here
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 300/112/77
    Words: 82
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 609
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 602

       Ahhhh. Poetry...never my strong suit.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEmpty Apartment dots

    Silent in this chilly room
    Bundled up in memories,
    and a jacket,
    Black like my mood.
    Too quiet here
    Alone in my self made tomb,
    Emptiness stretching out like centuries.
    Stomp another cigarette butt
    As I sit and brood,
    Thinking interaction might be the cure.

    In reality, I understand
    that this lonely
    Is of my own desire.
    Surrounded by people,
    This emptiness wouldn't mend.
    Friend, in name only,
    Give me a passionate night before I retire,
    Alone again and feeble.

    Submitted on 2013-11-06 03:38:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow for someone who say poetry isn't a strong suit of yours you did a nice job here. I could feel the words on the page, full of a lot of emotion! Flowed nicely not too long not too short. Very nice thank you for posting

    | Posted on 2014-01-03 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very nice and it shows that you not only do grasp
    What poetry is all about but have also begun developing
    The skills that enable a poet to express the concrete and abstract as a
    As a unique and unified whole.
    | Posted on 2013-12-25 00:00:00 | by DaleP | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the title empty apartment. It's to the point and the title is the poem. As I read this I could see you sitting in that room, brooding, I felt like I was in the room watching the poem play out.

    I like the part "alone in my self made tomb" it says a lot about the specifics of how you feel and how you want to feel. It's like stating to the reader that you are not here in this chilly room by chance or fate. You decided to be here, to be that person and yet you realize that you might want more.

    "Thinking interaction might be the cure" is another one of my fav phrases.

    and I like "give me a passionate night before I retire" and I feel like this is more of a plea to the gods, to the universe, to whoever is watching and you turn from being in control and making the decision to be in that room, in that empty apartment alone to someone who desires to make a connection, to meet people, to feel something new but who refuses to admit it, and only admits it in the dark and chilly room.

    Thanks for a good read. It goes well the weather I'm having today... It's pouring out..
    | Posted on 2013-11-06 00:00:00 | by ladydeathstrike | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bond written by saartha
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Fasade written by jackz
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    AI written by poetotoe
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Wavelength written by saartha
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Every..... written by jackz
    Linger written by saartha
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]