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    dots Submission Name: Me or Youdots

    Author: ForgottenGraves
    ASL Info:    20, Male
    Elite Ratio:    0.47 - 5/117/132
    Words: 151
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 443
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 961


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    dotsMe or Youdots

    I guess it all makes sense.
    Why things have turned out this way.
    I have been sent into darkness.
    You have been sent into light.
    I am destined to be alone and depressed.
    You two are to be happy and together.
    Just how the universe works.
    Some people have to be depressed.
    In order for others to be happy.
    Makes me wonder though...
    Why i was chosen by darkness.
    It could've just as easily been you.
    But light was your salvation.
    Happiness is what you will feel from now on.
    And darkness is my downfall.
    Sadness is what i shall feel from now on.
    Maybe one day it'll change.
    Where we can both be happy.
    Or we could both be sad.
    I still just think it's funny,
    How the darkness had to make one decision.
    Once decision to affect many lives.
    And it was as easy as choosing,
    Or you..

    Submitted on 2013-11-11 16:10:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      As easy as it might be to pin these things on greater powers, there was no "darkness" that singled you out specifically and decided consciously that you'd suffer. Our lives and the events that shape them both affect and are affected by us, our own decisions, and the actions of those around us. Shrugging the blame off on some higher power is an almost nihilistic solution that only ends in a vicious cycle of self-depreciation and hatred. That's a slippery slope, my friend, and not one you want to go down.

    And honestly, it only offers so much in the way of good writing.

    This particular piece, while not bad, has next to no flow- and perhaps that's how you wanted it- but poems are much easier to read and comprehend when there's some sort of pattern behind them. There's nothing wrong with a stream of consciousness writing, which is what this seems more like to me... But make sure you distinguish between the two, and figure out how best to approach each. Overall this wasn't a bad write, as I enjoyed it.

    I've noticed a recurring theme in nearly all of your works so far, and I'm going to make a personal comment- I am sorry for whatever struggles you have, but you're gonna have to take this one piece of advice- it'll get better. And since I can't think of a better way to put it, here's a lame-ass quote I heard in high school once and have carried with me ever since.

    "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

    Thanks for sharing, as always. I hope your situation improves, and never stop writing!
    | Posted on 2013-11-18 00:00:00 | by TheSnoitart | [ Reply to This ]

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