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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Good dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ForgottenGraves
    ASL Info:    20, Male
    Elite Ratio:    0.46 - 5/116/131
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 388
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 548



    Description:
       Teofila helped him finish this one, please go thank her.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Good dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I have taken this body
    I have taken this soul
    He is mine for the keeping
    This boy that I stole
    I am the demon
    Now calling the shots
    Just try and stop me
    You think your so hot
    This heart has faded into darkness
    Such is a tempted hearts nature
    That darkness grows
    Crushing and consuming
    It is completely black now
    A beating
    Black
    Emotionless heart
    And it belongs to only one
    He is a good...
    Well...
    "Friend"




    Submitted on 2013-11-12 17:04:57     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This starts out with a decent flow and a pretty basic but workable rhyme scheme, then about halfway through degrades to inconsistency. If you're gonna start with a rhyme scheme and rhythm, stick with it as much as you can- or at least have some kind of transition. That way it's less choppy. This poem almost feels like you cut its legs off and then crudely sewed them onto its chest. Don't be an amateur surgeon! :P

    Anyway, thanks for sharing as always, and keep writing!
    | Posted on 2013-11-19 00:00:00 | by TheSnoitart | [ Reply to This ]


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