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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Waterdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Teofila
    ASL Info:    17, F, with the wolves
    Elite Ratio:    0.48 - 210/102/70
    Words: 179
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 531
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1143



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Waterdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Cold
    Deep
    Dark
    All of these words
    Describe the condition of my heart
    Everytime I'm in the water
    All I want is death
    But sure enough
    It evades me
    I just want to drown
    As two close loved ones did
    Feel that cool
    Dangerous liquid ease into my lungs
    Feel it drag me down
    But I can't
    I'm not aloud to die
    So I'll just stay under and look up
    At the window before me
    The window of my life
    The beginning of all the strife
    The pain
    The loss
    The water
    Was the death of my childhood life
    I've wasted so much time trying to get it back
    Its funny how the things you love
    Can be gone
    Just like that
    I have been told
    The water
    Is where I live and breathe
    And I just think "I am not a mermaid.
    And as for breathing? There is no need."
    This place was the death of my childhood
    I want this place
    To be the death of me
    I want to drown
    Someone please?
    Drown me?




    Submitted on 2013-11-12 17:35:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      rating 5/5
    1. Be honest.( i really love this one )
    2. Try not to give only compliments. (fauck that Kudos)
    3. How did it make you feel? (this made me look through it to a younger version of myself)
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?( i can relate)
    5. Which parts? ( the whole poem is heartfelt)
    6. What distracted from the piece? nothing ,
    7. What was unclear? (the meaning is personal pain )
    8. What does it remind you of? ( lil ol sad me)
    9. How could it be improved? ( word flow could be cleaner)
    10. What would you have done differently? #9
    11. What was your interpretation of it? ( sad ,depressed ,lost)
    12. Does it feel original? indeed *knods*

    comment back thanks !
    | Posted on 2013-12-18 00:00:00 | by kyserin | [ Reply to This ]
      Your making me cry!
    | Posted on 2013-11-12 00:00:00 | by monad | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198235

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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