There was a time in my life, when I truely thought we'd be together forever, if only out of sheer stubborness, till death do us part, that's what you said. You promised to stay in sickness and in health. I prayed for years you'd keep a promise that you made to me. Why I tricked myself into thinking you'd keep that promise is beyond me. I probably could have avoided the whole thing. The signs were there even before the cheating started. There were secretes, undiscussed anger and lies.
I look back on it today. I look at our beautiful children and wonder why it was so easy for you. So easy to leave it all behind. Only so much as glancing over your shoulder, once in a blue moon. Pretending to care when its convient for you. Though I guess that's all you ever did.
The kids come round, asking about you. Wondering where you are. And all I have to tell them is that you're not here. I dread when they learn that "why" word, because I don't have answer for them.
I know you're not the only one to blame. I know I played my part. But I didn't leave. I didn't go out in search of perfection, in this imperfect world.
People expect me to hate you, but I don't, I can't. I hate what you did, I hate how you left. I don't hate you. I don't blame you for doing what you did, but I don't understand it either. I love you. There are parts of me that always will.
I forgave you for what happened. I haven't forgiven myself. I'm working on it, but its hard. I've let go of the empty dreams. I've slowly pieced my own heart together. I don't expect you to come back. I don't want you back. I just wish you cared about the kids. They care about you.