Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Faintdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Passionbyapathy
    ASL Info:    23/M/Columbus, Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    5.3 - 207/276/228
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 2737
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1367



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFaintdots
    -------------------------------------------


    She was proud of our
    wildfire
    still whimsical
    and sweetly stranger
    in the beginning

    I watch her turn away simply
    for the sake of it
    while stifled heartbeats
    seep through bitter silence
    where love once thundered
    young and unencumbered
    by thinning patience

    Daring to dream different
    dreading resignation then
    casting forward furiously
    and with smiles on our faces
    explicit and uncensored
    laced up boldly
    optimistic

    I miss her hand in mine
    father time stopping
    standing
    to watch
    us hang on the edge
    of eternity with each other

    I miss the promises
    pressing soft at my back
    soothing mental agonies
    madness and maladies
    always protecting my heart
    lending it direction
    beckoning towards
    counting blessings
    bearing the best of me
    carrying forward
    a true love
    tested

    It's cold season
    but old heat simmers
    in mind and memories
    easily feigned forgotten
    but still stuck
    on bones and bonds
    body and soul
    lovely
    broken in
    title and temper only
    still time to
    burn brighter
    together




    Submitted on 2013-11-23 22:51:19     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      
    Alrighty...let's try this again

    Past tense of the first stanza is bitter sweet and set the tone of this one for me. It shows that passion of perfect beginnings.
    The next stanza is where I knew this would be a favorite. Your phrasing here is impeccable. Between the turning away to the heartbeats and contradiction of silence and thunder coupled with the slight rhyme I mean it is sound. Plus your still building these images of being in that highly sexual heightened state of beginnings.
    Brilliant

    This is my fav and pure bliss:

    I miss her hand in mine
    father time stopping
    standing
    to watch
    us hang on the edge
    of eternity with each other


    Wow. You have internal rhyme which always has a little falling forward feeling with momentum that I like. More flavor someone once said. But the beauty held in that stanza is unforgettable.

    The rest has the same power of precision and lilt that I dig in your work. Still bitter sweetly somber with hints of ...this is not the end...yet.. to cap it off.

    It is a favorite.
    Yep
    | Posted on 2014-05-22 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my word!!!

    I normally don't respond to comments but really. that's it. hollymarymother'n'joseph i have more thoughts occur in a slight faint from standing up too fast!

    anyhoo...

    I'm going to do it again. Savor this for awhile before I respond. This deserves so much more then it has seen. I just don't understand how....never mind you get it.

    I must also say I have not given you work proper due as I've been kinda trailing around all these remembered well pages and looking back instead of forward.
    i'malwayslookingback

    anyway...enough...I'm gonna swallow your page so look out

    kelly
    | Posted on 2014-05-19 00:00:00 | by clay | [ Reply to This ]
      Perfect flow
    | Posted on 2013-12-12 00:00:00 | by LAMENTATIONS | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198297

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Desayuno Serenade written by krs3332003
    Send Me written by gwenn sundala
    Reasoning written by Daniel Barlow
    Hillary written by Soulraven
    another one lost written by Me Rambling
    untitled written by SincerWritinAsh
    cat written by mmray
    Blood Lion written by Passionbyapathy
    Thunder and Lightning written by gwenn sundala
    Brr. written by Outlaw
    Hold me closer tiny tanker written by Chelebel
    Night study written by lori_tab
    Higher Purpose written by Latin King
    View written by saartha
    Send Me written by gwenn sundala
    Pumpkinhead Lullaby written by krs3332003
    Too Dark A House For Such a noble light written by Daniel Barlow
    Self written by jackz
    Forms written by Daniel Barlow
    Raven written by lori_tab
    Fly with one wing written by Daniel Barlow
    Coexists written by Soulraven
    Brusque written by Daniel Barlow
    Sand Size Speck written by Chelebel
    Be A Legend written by WriteSomething
    Tribute written by expiring_touch
    Lack of Intimacy written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Tender Bites written by Chelebel
    One Less Friend written by WriteSomething
    It Follows written by helenastorm13

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry