I'm followed by the shadows
of my failure
and my inability
to let go.
These living memories
I refuse my own cries
watching them fall and fade away
knowing I can't
God only knows
It's not for lack of trying.
I'm killing myself
bending over backwards
trying to change
to fix this mess.
And I hate them all
almost as much as I hate
but even then I try to convince myself
I'm not a monster
even though we all know that's a lie.
So I hope the first is happy
and I hope she remembers what we did
and I hope it burns her inside
that she lives with that guilt for the rest of her
And I hope the second is content
and I hope that maybe one day, she'll see me
and think, "If only, if only."
And I want the third to know
that I'm sorry
I wish he could see I was there
that I wasn't too late.
I failed him, and my only wish-
is withheld eternally.
And I want the fourth and fifth to burn
they deserve no better
even if I'm between them
I want to see the flames.
In a perfect world
I'd light the match.
The sixth might one day live in peace
if I could just bring myself to leave her alone
but how can I
when she's one of the only ones
who can make me feel anything, anymore?
All I have to say about the seventh is
I wish I'd never even laid eyes on her.
These seven sins mark my failure and disgrace
the personification of the ruination
of my life.