This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Friends and Monsters

Author: TheSnoitart
ASL Info:    19/ M/ USA
Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 53 /64 /52
Words: 140
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1463
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 914


Friends and Monsters

Now, with my words like knives
I'm the monster under your bed
even though I used to be the monster
in it
but you never even once stopped to consider that
with your pseudo-innocent smile
and your cherry blossom kisses
might be just as much
a monstrosity.

You always used to ask
what I'm thinking
and when I finally tell you
you act surprised that I lash out in anger.
Then run to the world with your stories of
misplaced hatred and undeserved fury
despite the place of that hatred being on point
and no party deserving more fury save perhaps

So go then
tell them I'm a monster
cold-hearted, soulless beast
just remember when you think of how I was
compared to what I am now
who was the monster first?

Submitted on 2013-12-04 11:44:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  this piece moves very deep. the vengeance and factual confrontation depicted here give the feeling of both fear and compassion, a hard pairing to successfully achieve. well done.
| Posted on 2013-12-17 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
  This is all about relationship. Man its so hard for two people to ever really express true love rather than becoming "monstrous" toward each other.

"Now, with my words like knives"

I love the intro, it peaked my curiosity. Words are very powerful and to quote scripture the tongue no man can tame. I think you are writing on a really important topic.

"You always used to ask
what I'm thinking
and when I finally tell you
you act surprised that I lash out in anger."

This is all about trust. We have to be able to tell whats going on inside us to the others in relationship with us, and we need to be able to know that the other person can handle the honesty. If we can't be understanding with one another communication breaks down and you are left with an environment that breeds monsters on both sides. It is the beginning of death of the relationship.

I don't know if this is personal or not but my suggestion would be that you take your own observation into consideration in the very beginning line as you open up this piece,
use the extreme power of words to plant life back into the picture, given time and battles the life giving words will eventually kill those ugly
monsters even if they put up a fight,

good metaphor in this piece, not uncommon but it does not feel cliché and that's really refreshing.

Hope everything is working out for you.
I really enjoyed this piece.
| Posted on 2013-12-07 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?