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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Friends and Monstersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheSnoitart
    ASL Info:    19/ M/ USA
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 53/64/52
    Words: 140
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 463
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 914



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFriends and Monstersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Now, with my words like knives
    I'm the monster under your bed
    even though I used to be the monster
    in it
    but you never even once stopped to consider that
    you
    with your pseudo-innocent smile
    and your cherry blossom kisses
    might be just as much
    a monstrosity.

    You always used to ask
    what I'm thinking
    and when I finally tell you
    you act surprised that I lash out in anger.
    Then run to the world with your stories of
    misplaced hatred and undeserved fury
    despite the place of that hatred being on point
    and no party deserving more fury save perhaps
    myself.

    So go then
    tell them I'm a monster
    cold-hearted, soulless beast
    just remember when you think of how I was
    compared to what I am now
    who was the monster first?




    Submitted on 2013-12-04 11:44:35     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      this piece moves very deep. the vengeance and factual confrontation depicted here give the feeling of both fear and compassion, a hard pairing to successfully achieve. well done.
    | Posted on 2013-12-17 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
      This is all about relationship. Man its so hard for two people to ever really express true love rather than becoming "monstrous" toward each other.

    "Now, with my words like knives"

    I love the intro, it peaked my curiosity. Words are very powerful and to quote scripture the tongue no man can tame. I think you are writing on a really important topic.

    "You always used to ask
    what I'm thinking
    and when I finally tell you
    you act surprised that I lash out in anger."

    This is all about trust. We have to be able to tell whats going on inside us to the others in relationship with us, and we need to be able to know that the other person can handle the honesty. If we can't be understanding with one another communication breaks down and you are left with an environment that breeds monsters on both sides. It is the beginning of death of the relationship.

    I don't know if this is personal or not but my suggestion would be that you take your own observation into consideration in the very beginning line as you open up this piece,
    use the extreme power of words to plant life back into the picture, given time and battles the life giving words will eventually kill those ugly
    monsters even if they put up a fight,

    good metaphor in this piece, not uncommon but it does not feel cliché and that's really refreshing.

    Hope everything is working out for you.
    I really enjoyed this piece.
    | Posted on 2013-12-07 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]


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