Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tortured sleep™©dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kyserin
    ASL Info:    30's/Female/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 44/25/52
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 622
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 404



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTortured sleep™©dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Tortured sleep™©

    Torture me , my undying soul
    left alone , a hollow whole
    a broken key , left in a locket
    pictures of memories ,
    fading fast , a dormant
    sleep re-awaken , eyes
    closed yet , wide open
    you'll never know , what you
    meant to me , i'll just remember
    you while i dream

    ™©




    Submitted on 2013-12-17 16:05:42     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      @RWS

    im good one the word flow and word play
    Format i know i need to work on
    im not exactly a pro but im not an novice

    i guess i would be and intermediate lvl
    i was writing since high school lost my muse
    or inspiration so i stopped writing

    but here i am again writing so something found me
    but Crits really do help
    :) least i know what steps to take to surpass it

    | Posted on 2013-12-19 00:00:00 | by kyserin | [ Reply to This ]
      Torture me , my undying soul
    left alone , a hollow whole
    a broken key , left in a locket
    pictures of memories ,
    fading fast , a dormant
    sleep re-awaken , eyes
    closed yet , wide open
    you'll never know , what you
    meant to me , i'll just remember
    you while i dream

    Other than a few spelling mistakes, this is a fairly clear-eyed spiral into misery. I think that it certainly could benefit from some formatting tweaks, but I'll leave that to you.

    Bill
    | Posted on 2013-12-19 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198442

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry