Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Me Without Youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ForgottenGraves
    ASL Info:    20, Male
    Elite Ratio:    0.44 - 5/114/129
    Words: 86
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 484
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 586



    Description:
       Got some inspiration today. Hope you guys like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMe Without Youdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Me without you..
    It's like a boat with no water.
    A fire with no warmth.
    Me without you..
    It's like north with no south.
    West with no east.
    Me without you..
    It's like a heart with no beat.
    A vein with no blood.
    Me without you..
    It's like a knife with no point.
    A stab wound with no weapon.
    Me without you..
    It's like hate without anger.
    Light without darkness.
    Me without you..
    Is like me with no life.
    Me with no love.
    Me without you..




    Submitted on 2013-12-17 16:48:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i like this , my only comment i could complain about is the over use of me with out you , dub this being the name of your title , but your meaning is very clear

    maybe leave the one , me without you on the main opening
    then just follow with the flow of your writing

    adding me with out you between your words is pause in the flow

    Example :)

    Me without you..

    It's like a boat with no water
    A fire with no warmth

    It's like north with no south
    West with no east

    Exctra.... well i hope you dont take my comment as a bad one , but a helpful tip :)
    | Posted on 2013-12-18 00:00:00 | by kyserin | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198453

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Fasade written by jackz
    untitled written by ShyOne
    the testing of hypotheses written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    You read free written by poetotoe
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    Formal Jen written by Daniel Barlow
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    prison written by ShyOne
    an unashamed poverty written by Daniel Barlow
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Records I written by Raphael
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Silent Screams In Silent Dreams written by poetotoe
    Every..... written by jackz
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry