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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I've got murder on my minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: my shadow
    Elite Ratio:    4.82 - 291/150/48
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 561
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 598



    Description:
       I am just playing with the theme. Hope no one is inspired to do mayhem by it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI've got murder on my minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    I've got murder on my mind
    and this is what I see
    I will be the murderer -
    YOU will be the murderee

    YOU can beg that I be kind
    YOU can promise anything to me -
    But there's nothing I want more
    than to make your blood pour.

    YOU can run and you can hide -
    I will find YOU anywhere you go
    then I will cut YOU many cuts
    just to watch your blood flow

    I've got murder on my mind
    YOU will find no mercy in me
    I will be the murderer -
    YOU will be the murderee




    Submitted on 2013-12-18 01:13:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love this piece

    YOU can run and you can hide -
    I will find YOU anywhere you go
    then I will cut YOU many cuts
    just to watch your blood flow

    In this stanza wouldn't it be more natural to say

    You can run and you can hide-
    But I will find you wherever you go
    Then I will cut you with my knife
    Just to watch your blood flow

    Just a suggestion...you may not even care but Im just throwin it out there
    | Posted on 2013-12-22 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece is very heavy; the constant all-caps of the subject YOU is very clear that whomever they are, it does not bode well for them. your vengeance drips from your pen like blood on a sword. as a nerd, i immediately think of a sith lord enacting his own revenge on those who cross him. it stirs in the soul a darkness that most try to hide from, but are forced to face some time or other. well done.
    | Posted on 2013-12-19 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
      
    1. this is morbid
    2.i like it
    3. makes me semi evil
    4. because i can inmagine doing this to someone who has caused me pain
    5. Which parts? the begging is what had me going
    6. What distracted from the piece? the rants and not so much straight forward
    7. What was unclear? half n half ???
    8. What does it remind you of? my demonic self lol
    9. How could it be improved? more word flow please !
    10. What would you have done differently? more expression :)
    11. What was your interpretation of it? this person has been hurt ,
    12. Does it feel original? indeed ,
    | Posted on 2013-12-18 00:00:00 | by kyserin | [ Reply to This ]


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