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I've got murder on my mind


Author: my shadow
Elite Ratio:    4.84 - 296 /150 /48
Words: 108
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 1203
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 598



Description:


I am just playing with the theme. Hope no one is inspired to do mayhem by it.


I've got murder on my mind



I've got murder on my mind
and this is what I see
I will be the murderer -
YOU will be the murderee

YOU can beg that I be kind
YOU can promise anything to me -
But there's nothing I want more
than to make your blood pour.

YOU can run and you can hide -
I will find YOU anywhere you go
then I will cut YOU many cuts
just to watch your blood flow

I've got murder on my mind
YOU will find no mercy in me
I will be the murderer -
YOU will be the murderee




Submitted on 2013-12-18 01:13:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I love this piece

YOU can run and you can hide -
I will find YOU anywhere you go
then I will cut YOU many cuts
just to watch your blood flow

In this stanza wouldn't it be more natural to say

You can run and you can hide-
But I will find you wherever you go
Then I will cut you with my knife
Just to watch your blood flow

Just a suggestion...you may not even care but Im just throwin it out there
| Posted on 2013-12-22 00:00:00 | by Teofila | [ Reply to This ]
  this piece is very heavy; the constant all-caps of the subject YOU is very clear that whomever they are, it does not bode well for them. your vengeance drips from your pen like blood on a sword. as a nerd, i immediately think of a sith lord enacting his own revenge on those who cross him. it stirs in the soul a darkness that most try to hide from, but are forced to face some time or other. well done.
| Posted on 2013-12-19 00:00:00 | by gwenn sundala | [ Reply to This ]
  
1. this is morbid
2.i like it
3. makes me semi evil
4. because i can inmagine doing this to someone who has caused me pain
5. Which parts? the begging is what had me going
6. What distracted from the piece? the rants and not so much straight forward
7. What was unclear? half n half ???
8. What does it remind you of? my demonic self lol
9. How could it be improved? more word flow please !
10. What would you have done differently? more expression :)
11. What was your interpretation of it? this person has been hurt ,
12. Does it feel original? indeed ,
| Posted on 2013-12-18 00:00:00 | by kyserin | [ Reply to This ]


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9. How could it be improved?
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11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



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