Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: eternal pain*old*dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: kyserin
    ASL Info:    30's/Female/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.67 - 44/25/52
    Words: 316
    Class/Type: Story/Broken
    Total Views: 692
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1629



    Description:
       past since laid to ash


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotseternal pain*old*dots
    -------------------------------------------


    endowed with misery the one i thought that truely must have cared so much as to come to me and say his feel's but upon his face and out of his mouth he spoke those very same words to anther say's he never see's the othere never wish to be around the othere but other then the leave the mistress alone he yet again see's her and the one he thinks he hold's and love so dearly find out's that not only as his heart lay in a puddle of filth in lies does his words and the uncertainty of what he has done to the one that awaits his calls and awaits to here from him day after day and the days pass and the same thing happens over and over to this girl that loves the liar and keeps holding onto the heart that the lies would change but yet they have not only have gotten deeper cutting more deeper questions into her mind why would he do this to me what wrong have i done to deserve this? she say's to here self while at night she cries with the pillow to her face...what fool at most at that i am for believing that a past love could be something that could truely be a happie one but when it comes to mind (i'm glad it's not me he's lyeing to everyday that goes by)
    telling his mistress that he no longer cares for the beloved that he still see from time to time and calls her no and then to tell her more lies.......the person that that shallow of a man lied too lives no more.....but anew person forgetting all he ever said all his lies the fake images of her past that from time to time come to her mind but no more....so she now will cast it all aside..................




    Submitted on 2013-12-23 15:11:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Why would he do this to me? What wrong have I done to deserve this? she say's to herself late at night as she cries with the pillow to her face. What a fool I am for believing that a past love could truly be a happy one. But, when it comes to mind (I'm glad it's not me he's lying to everyday that goes by).

    Interesting collection of emotions here, as if it were a dream sequence with the narrator as an interchangeable victim/ onlooker describing events as if she lived in the soul of the abused. Triangles are never linear; there's always that extra unwanted side to deal with. yep...

    I realize that this has probably been in storage for awhile, but have you considered cleaning up the spelling and grammar and developing this into a continuing story? although you strive to use poetic language and some internal rhyme here and there, it is much closer to prose than poetry.
    | Posted on 2013-12-26 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198496

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    To written by SavedDragon
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Push written by JanePlane
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    untitled written by Chelebel
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Incubus written by monad
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    new moon written by CrypticBard

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry