Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Askdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Snow9
    Elite Ratio:    3 - 38/21/17
    Words: 89
    Class/Type: Poetry/What is
    Total Views: 990
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 630



    Description:
       Posting after what seems an age... Never actually thought will do so again.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Askdots
    -------------------------------------------


    (taking off the rubber tip of my pen)
    which sadness is this?
    That day,
    innocent me jostled him for the train,
    his spectacles broke- "your happy birthday"-
    I stayed home for the day.
    His eyes were safe,
    got glass in my teeth.
    Which one is this taste of failure to be guilty?

    Love will restore 3D to my live existence,
    wherein, following fatherless Browning,
    I may hide from the fourth....
    Really, I don't feel.
    Fiction, following, fend off pain.

    Nonsense!:-P (-a foreign cat calls)
    You will see!




    Submitted on 2014-01-07 08:00:38     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I've read this a few times and each time I think of something different to say, nothing solid or concrete, rather- which is kind of my overall feeling on the poem. It feels stream-of-consciousness, or like it seems to wish to keep itself separate from the reader- to maintain a certain level of mystery while seeking to make some kind of impression. Like a dream maybe, where you wake up feeling heavy with a kind of remembrance but unable to express the how and why of it.

    It's interesting, if somewhat confusing. I feel that the confusion is intentional, though. Like bits of memory and how we try to piece together meaning or understanding from what remains cemented in our minds. Definitely a searching.

    I think, it could be reeled in a little to offer a reader a little more to grab onto, but saying that, it feels intentional, as I said, mostly. And maybe a little, at points, making fun of either itself - or some other high-minded subject that isn't actually meant to be pinpointed. It leaves questions, which remains a good thing for a poem to do.

    Just some thoughts. Maybe not so helpful.
    | Posted on 2014-01-17 00:00:00 | by emwren | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198563

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Some of it written by Daniel Barlow
    less is more written by Daniel Barlow
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Bre-anna written by Daniel Barlow
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    an explanation of how i was not good written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Bam written by Daniel Barlow
    Instances written by hyproglo
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Everyone written by poetotoe
    Limbo written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Bam (Awash). written by Daniel Barlow
    The First Time written by Wolfwatching
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Aftermath and Waltz written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Stance written by Daniel Barlow
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    This written by Chelebel
    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    Saying it to you with some gangsta shit written by Daniel Barlow
    Broken Promises written by S.A.M.
    Blood to Plowshares written by HisNameIsNoMore
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    All Time Low written by Janesaddiction
    "other people don't get that" written by Daniel Barlow
    Lunch written by HisNameIsNoMore

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry