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I taste tears falling from utopia,
And the bitter scope of words
Is lost in gestation as I cannot hope
To change salt into diamond.
There is a breaking point where
Stability is lost and everything
My fingers dig furrows
In cold clear reality,
As I attempt to halt
| This is a sad poem, but it is a good one and you do a good job of bringing the reader into the emotion, the plunge does that well, it drops you into the sad ending where the speaker is desperate to hold on to whatever happiness or comfort or solace they know in the present and resist the uncertainty that exists in the future.|
I would play around with the capitalizations, I don't think every first word should be capitalized but that may just be my preference. You do start with punctuation, though, and you could do the whole thing in sentence case.
The first line of the poem sounds really nice, but the word utopia in the first line seems out of place (unless I should be reading it as utopia referring to the place where the tears come from, the head, that also holds the coveted happinesses or comforts or solaces that you may be alluding to at the end of the poem, in which case its kind of a cumbersome allusion, the connection is sort of off because tears come from eyes specifically and the reader may not understand why the eyes would be described as a utopia).
Sorry for the length, but I enjoyed the work.
|| Posted on 2014-10-27 00:00:00 | by roycureton | [ Reply to This ] || I really like the structure as it goes with the emotion of the poem. Its quite sad though but I like this.||| Posted on 2014-04-10 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ] |