[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: saltdots

    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 776
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3554


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


                             I taste tears falling from utopia,
                             And the bitter scope of words
                             Is lost in gestation as I cannot hope
                             To change salt into diamond.
                             There is a breaking point where
                             Stability is lost and everything



                             My fingers dig furrows
                             In cold clear reality,
                             As I attempt to halt
                             The momentum

    Submitted on 2014-01-12 21:41:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is a sad poem, but it is a good one and you do a good job of bringing the reader into the emotion, the plunge does that well, it drops you into the sad ending where the speaker is desperate to hold on to whatever happiness or comfort or solace they know in the present and resist the uncertainty that exists in the future.

    I would play around with the capitalizations, I don't think every first word should be capitalized but that may just be my preference. You do start with punctuation, though, and you could do the whole thing in sentence case.

    The first line of the poem sounds really nice, but the word utopia in the first line seems out of place (unless I should be reading it as utopia referring to the place where the tears come from, the head, that also holds the coveted happinesses or comforts or solaces that you may be alluding to at the end of the poem, in which case its kind of a cumbersome allusion, the connection is sort of off because tears come from eyes specifically and the reader may not understand why the eyes would be described as a utopia).

    Sorry for the length, but I enjoyed the work.
    | Posted on 2014-10-27 00:00:00 | by roycureton | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the structure as it goes with the emotion of the poem. Its quite sad though but I like this.
    | Posted on 2014-04-10 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Push written by JanePlane
    Cosmic Dreams written by Chelebel
    written by Daniel Barlow
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    AI written by poetotoe
    the living moment written by ShyOne
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Linger written by saartha
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    True Death written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer written by layDsayD
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]