Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: saltdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 750
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3554



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssaltdots
    -------------------------------------------


         
         
                             I taste tears falling from utopia,
                             And the bitter scope of words
                             Is lost in gestation as I cannot hope
                             To change salt into diamond.
                             There is a breaking point where
                             Stability is lost and everything
                             Becomes

                             A

                             P
                             L
                             U
                             N
                             G
                             E

                             My fingers dig furrows
                             In cold clear reality,
                             As I attempt to halt
                             The momentum
                              Of
                             Forever




    Submitted on 2014-01-12 21:41:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a sad poem, but it is a good one and you do a good job of bringing the reader into the emotion, the plunge does that well, it drops you into the sad ending where the speaker is desperate to hold on to whatever happiness or comfort or solace they know in the present and resist the uncertainty that exists in the future.

    I would play around with the capitalizations, I don't think every first word should be capitalized but that may just be my preference. You do start with punctuation, though, and you could do the whole thing in sentence case.

    The first line of the poem sounds really nice, but the word utopia in the first line seems out of place (unless I should be reading it as utopia referring to the place where the tears come from, the head, that also holds the coveted happinesses or comforts or solaces that you may be alluding to at the end of the poem, in which case its kind of a cumbersome allusion, the connection is sort of off because tears come from eyes specifically and the reader may not understand why the eyes would be described as a utopia).

    Sorry for the length, but I enjoyed the work.
    | Posted on 2014-10-27 00:00:00 | by roycureton | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the structure as it goes with the emotion of the poem. Its quite sad though but I like this.
    | Posted on 2014-04-10 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    198585

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    prison written by ShyOne
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Cover written by saartha
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    The World written by jjd
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry