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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: saltdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: DaleP
    ASL Info:    57/M/TX
    Elite Ratio:    6.21 - 629/553/330
    Words: 71
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 719
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3554



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotssaltdots
    -------------------------------------------


         
         
                             I taste tears falling from utopia,
                             And the bitter scope of words
                             Is lost in gestation as I cannot hope
                             To change salt into diamond.
                             There is a breaking point where
                             Stability is lost and everything
                             Becomes

                             A

                             P
                             L
                             U
                             N
                             G
                             E

                             My fingers dig furrows
                             In cold clear reality,
                             As I attempt to halt
                             The momentum
                              Of
                             Forever




    Submitted on 2014-01-12 21:41:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is a sad poem, but it is a good one and you do a good job of bringing the reader into the emotion, the plunge does that well, it drops you into the sad ending where the speaker is desperate to hold on to whatever happiness or comfort or solace they know in the present and resist the uncertainty that exists in the future.

    I would play around with the capitalizations, I don't think every first word should be capitalized but that may just be my preference. You do start with punctuation, though, and you could do the whole thing in sentence case.

    The first line of the poem sounds really nice, but the word utopia in the first line seems out of place (unless I should be reading it as utopia referring to the place where the tears come from, the head, that also holds the coveted happinesses or comforts or solaces that you may be alluding to at the end of the poem, in which case its kind of a cumbersome allusion, the connection is sort of off because tears come from eyes specifically and the reader may not understand why the eyes would be described as a utopia).

    Sorry for the length, but I enjoyed the work.
    | Posted on 2014-10-27 00:00:00 | by roycureton | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like the structure as it goes with the emotion of the poem. Its quite sad though but I like this.
    | Posted on 2014-04-10 00:00:00 | by jeniecel | [ Reply to This ]


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